cosine

IT WAS A COSINE GRAPH. A COFAHDUIFHAFIUAHFBCSJADNFACILKJ

I CAN'T EXPRESS HOW STUPID I FEEL RIGHT NOW.

So bloody ridiculous, fml. It was 15% *CRIES*

abc

Okay. Here's the thing.

We have tutor tutors in one building. Disputes were bound to happen.

Well, basically, our tutor teacher started a campaign - starting with our class, and it will follow on for the other classes as well. He called it "ABC 2012", and you'd all know where the "2012" came from.

Anyway, long story short, FOCUS COLLEGE PRIDE WOOOOOOOH!

Seriously.

and this is why

And this is why I never ask for anything LOL.

I feel so horrible for saying this, but when it comes to exercise and healthy eating, mum always assumes that she knows best and knows all.

Really, it's actually just yoga this and yoga that.

And then she goes to the extent to prove her point, and cuts everyone along the way lol.

lost

You have virtually lost all of my trust. All of it.

Never fuck with my family. You turned us against each other for the weekend, and I'm not even sure if I want to know you any more.

LOL I hope you have a good life, because I can't be fucked dealing with two-faces like you.

You've been exploited, bitch.

debase

I hate being the older sister.

I will fucking slap the next person who says it's normal to fucking say that.

coddled

Just because I'm picky with my fruits does not mean I don't eat it. The only two fruits I despise would be bananas and jackfruit, but I'm fine with anything. Why am I talking about this? Because last night, before I went to bed, my cousin and mum decided to gang up on me and say that I don't eat enough fruits and I've been too spoilt. Well sorry for not going through the general hardships that you've gone through. Then my mum had the audacity to ask me this morning: are you mad about last night when we teased you? Well, no, of course not. I'm just hurt and humiliated and fucking speechless.

And I bought the UMAT package yesterday. I've started reading the guides, and becoming more and more motivated for it... I think. I really want my laptop back. I want to actually start doing stuff. I'm past half way of the Electricity topic for Physics and it's becoming more and more clear. Friday's going to rain girls! So excited :D I have tutor tonight, and I left out 3 questions. Ridiculous.

And the reason why I asked my um to stand behind me whilst I pay for my UMAT package was because I'm handling a lot of money. Money that I myself don't make. So if anything happens, we know that we haven't done anything wrong and that I was not the one to blame. Because when my sister does something wrong, I'm the one to blame. If my dad does something wrong, he blames me. If my mum does something wrong, she blames me. I'm like some kind of fucking escape goat. So don't, for one second, think that I've been too sheltered or too afraid of the fucking world because really, I don't make the money that my parents make.

And this week, Skip Beat is taking so long to get hardsubbed. I really don't like changing the format of my episodes... so I'll just have to wait for Episode 5 and pray that they don't drop the project.

curse thee

I cannot fathom the amount of horrible emotions and thoughts I have kept to myself for the past few days. I haven't had a good night's sleep in 6 days, I feel that my source of nightly comfort (that is, my cone shaped light) has been taken away for a younger, more fearless person without my consent. Of course, this came with the excuse that I was the older sibling and it was my duty to give whatever my sister wants/needs without going against the idea.

Pathetic domestic stereotype, really. I've been loading up on Naruto fanfiction when suffering this extremely long bout of insomnia - I have established that my 'one true pairing', otherwise known as OTP, is ItaSaku. Not that you need to know the completely bookish tendencies I have LOL. In any case, I've been quite irritable lately because of my current circumstance - my hotmail is blocked, as you are aware from my previous post, and now, my computer has totally gone into completely blue, flashy chaos. So adios Dell Inspiron. You were loved.

I'm currently using my dad's old Toshiba laptop as a getaway from my laptop's failure. I have so many questions left to finish for tutor and I honestly am not in the appropriate state of mind to finish. I left out 1.5 questions in Level 1 and so, SO MANY MORE in Level 2. And I'm unsure about the SHM questions at the back. Can someone please confirm that we don't have any 4 unit homework. Please? *stares at Juliana* HAHA

In any case, I should be getting back to... reading my fanfiction, then doing some more tutor homework, then reading the Great Gatsby. THE WOES OF A STUDENT, I SHALL SAY ONCE MORE! And Othilia, I shall be awaiting your call!

is it really okay

Is it really okay to grab the lamp that I use to read at night, from my room, to give it to my younger sister? HAHA no. I use to lamp to diminish my fears of the dark and through reading, and you take the one thing that I feel protects me at night.

Another 3 hours of sleep for the third day. Hoo-fucking-ray.

I've been so moody lately, I don't even find it amusing anymore. I feel so edgy lately - not in a good way.

I'm off now, goodnight. Going to finish another third of tutor homework.

fhakjdfhakleewe

I AM SO FRUSTRATED WITH VODA'S METHODS OF BILLING. I had to make an account for my dad, then try and download the bill to realise that I cannot download the bill. It simply won't detect. FARGFAFHKSAHFLUSDHUF. SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW. WHY. WHY WHY WHY. WHY DID WE GO WITH THIS SERVICE. I'M SO ANGRY.

rubik's

I'M DYING OF IMPATIENCE NOW, CYNTHIA! :( SIWON IS SOOOOOOO GOOD! :D

So yesterday I was Christmas. Being as impatient as I am, I nagged my mum to open the presents right after dinner. And I got several presents, all I'm extremely thankful for :D But there was one that had me preoccupied the entire day. The Rubik's Cube. It's so late for me to start playing it, but it's so fun. Well, to me it is. EFFECTIVE WAY TO SPEND TIME ALONE! :D

But what made me so pissed was yesterday, my cousin came over and when I just unwrapped it, he began playing with it to the extent where it was loose. LOL I was so fhakjhfalk angry after that. I literally sat there with my head down, feigning sleep because I really wanted to punch him. To make matter's worse, I actually began sleeping. Then he slapped my thigh, which hurt so much (it left a red hand print) and told me to wake up. After that, I think it was pretty obvious as to how pissed I was.

If he does that again, I will create an evident kink in his nose. I honestly don't care how close we are, he should have never slapped me, nor find the comfort in wrecking another's CHRISTMAS PRESENT. *FUMES*

And to make matters worse, my mum just laughed and said it was just for his entertainment. At the cost of mine.

ugh

GARGH. YOU ARE PRECISELY THE REASON WHY I APPEAR OFFLINE.

NEVER EVER BADMOUTH ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS, BECAUSE I WILL HIT YOU. I really, really really want to unfriend you. Literally.

I hope we never talk again.

it started so fast

That's nice. I mean, I did just pass my Physics quiz. So I told my mum about it, feeling light-hearted because I knew I needed to up my game. A lot. Then she asked who got full marks (no surprise here) and I told her. So rather than nodding and leaving the matter there, she decided to slice me.

"You're beginning to fail in all other areas except for Maths."

I tried to reason with her that it was entirely sprung on us. "You should have always been prepared. Like I said, you're neglecting Physics". "If you keep going on like this, you won't be able to be consistent for the HSC".

And she proceeded to compare me to the person who came first for the little pop quiz in my class and asked if she did maths with me. My mum then said that "since she's consistent for Physics, she'll slowly be ready for maths. How will you deal with it?"

And that was the last straw. I broke down fhuahfkjahfa. Embarrassing? Yes. I honestly contemplated on walking home or to Cabramatta library myself while I was on the car.

She then noticed I was crying and said "pretend I never said anything".

LOL. Is that it? As much as I love you mum, never, ever insult my school work/school effort. NEVER.

"aren't monks from China?"

Quote from Extension English. The party on Friday was a bit pointless because we still have a week with her... but yeah :) I have church in an hour's time, and I've just finished tutor homework. I left out the trapezoidal question and question 4 from 1.1 for 4u. I can't be bothered doing anything right now, and I really hate going to church at 10:30AM. This is when I actually feel like I need to get my P plates soon because having my mum twist my schedule to fit hers just doesn't work. At all. I have this major gap in my schedule now.

That is, from 10:30AM - 11:30AM, it's church. 11:30AM to 5:00PM is a party that I don't want to attend. Sure, I'm off exams, but that doesn't mean that I stop studying or tutor ends. I can't even explain how irritated I feel when that family comes over, or when my dad mentions the karaoke site. I hear his music in the morning, before I go to sleep and when I study. I don't even have sound-proof walls.

I am so angry right now, I'm actually turning pink. LOL. After today, it's when holidays for me actually start. Also, when revision kicks in. I hope all this time spent studying pays off for the HSC.

love like woe

4u is driving me up the wall. I've been sitting here for an hour trying to go through solutions in my head and all I could come up with was: "it just is". As in my answer to proving questions would be "it just is". Ridiculous, I don't even know what the hell I'm doing anymore. I'll leave 2.3 there and I'll probably go onto 2.5 or something. I'll do it later. I am pissed beyond human comprehension.

better yet

Go live at your own house.

llamas

So, I've finished my first topic for Business.

If I had done my notes in a single-spaced manner, there wouldn't be 29 pages there. But in any case, I like my double spacing and I can read it like that. The major blue bits are tables of information just for reference. I doubt I'll be studying those, but hey,  it's back up. After tutor homework later, I'll be doing my Physics notes and I'll probably finish The World Communicates before doing anything else.

I felt like waltzing right out of my front door yesterday. I don't think Blogspot can handle my extreme complaints and hardships (is it even?) that concern family, so I'll just leave it as it is. My dad invited me to dine out with his friends and my mum and sister. I rejected it (and felt so guilty afterward) because I had tutor at night and I need to study for 4 unit. Yes, it as an honest rejection, and no, I did not use tutor as an excuse. Like I said, it was honest. I love my dad, a lot, more than anything, but alcohol does so many things to him.

I finished off Business homework and maths homework - now that's left would be making extensive, comprehensive notes on Business, Physics and Chemistry (I don't think I will, but I'll try) before attempting to ace my exams. I shall devote one maths paper per night to study for maths. And English... I'll do that on Monday or something, because this weekend's packed.

cold

So I was talking to my mum just then and telling her about my day. She said "I can't wash the dishes" because she pulled her muscles, so I simply said "Don't worry-" and I was cut off. She repeated "don't worry" in an incredulous tone and went on to lecture and complain about how it's easier said than done. I told her that I hadn't even finished my sentence and she ignored me and I was so sick of not being heard I turned my back on her and walked into my room to finish tutor homework. She yelled at me for being upset at everything - every little thing.

And then she proceeded to tell me about my day. I was so turned off by whatever she said that I just told her "I'll tell you later or something." She then said "Fine, don't tell me". I don't think parents understand the difference between "I'll tell you later" and "I'll never tell you". Heck, I don't even think they realise how pressured some of us feel because of their expectations and their "you-should-have-known-this" attitude. But that's an entirely different issue, and I won't get into that because I still need to finish tutor homework and I'm barely halfway.

slaughter

So today, I used the ATAR calculator. I'm satisfied with what I'll be aiming for, and let's just say, a low nineties mark (or even high 80s) will be sufficient for my goal. I was happy, until they came over. Again. So here's the thing, from the beginning:

My dad met this guy online, and they were fast friends. He visited once or twice, and invited my dad (and my family, but I declined so 3/4 of us stayed home LOL) to eat out. And now, they're best friends because of karaoke and his "karaoke room" is next to my study/bedroom. If this keeps up, I might actually spend my time away from my house at the library, or probably out with my cousin Swan (NOTE THE SPELLING), who I haven't seen for ages. It's not likely I'll be doing this, but I'll probably get fed up one way or another.

So they're over again, two days in a row. Their children are barging into my room, and I might need a retractable doorknob so no one can get in when I'm in my room studying. I refuse to eat or watch Masterchef outside if they are still there. They may be nice people, but I don't think they understand the need for privacy and rooms that are locked.

LOL I'll shoot them. And The Man From Nowhere is so hfkajhfakl. It's so action filled that I forgot I was eating for an hour. Seriously. And I lost my appetite after the eye-container rolled out, and when the woman's body was left behind after being organ-harvested. It's a must-watch, but it's a bit disturbing.

omg

Go live at your own house LOL. I really don't like it when I come home from a tiring, life-sapping piano lesson to find a couple and their 3 children at my house. Running amok on my room. Commenting on how messy it is. Even though I closed the door. Who are they? My dad met the husband online and invited them over (oh yeah, since the internet is so trusted).

I don't like it/them because they come over every weekend. Every single one of them.

back

By popular demand (just Steph telling me), my blog is back. I have to thank Faggot for walking with me under the bridge of Canley Vale station though. I shall shout you something, some time! Words cannot explain my relief for not getting sexually harassed (perhaps even killed). And words cannot explain how disappointed, cold and angry I feel when I talked to my mum, who casually said "I thought you went to Steph's house". Well, that's what you thought, right?

Like that time, after the music excursion, when I asked to get picked up at the train station. You walked to Cabramatta when you could've driven and came back home, blaming me for making you wait. Thanks. I believe you disregard what I say beforehand, or choose to ignore it.