New Blog

I have a new blog guys.

http://blotted-ink.blogspot.com

Like Cynthia has said: NO STRAGGLERS PLEASE! (Or something along the lines of that)

Enjoy? HAHAHAHA

piano

LOL.

I have four scratches on my nose from these ridiculous hang-nails.

That one silent cry as you play piano because you're too overwhelmed with anger and frustration and sadness that you end up playing a ridiculously morose song and it doesn't help your mood.

Then that throw of your semi-new phone against your bed knowing full well that it won't crack.

can you reach me from across the globe?

I feel that since the HSC/ATARs have been released, I should be starting on a brand new slate. Like, delete my previous posts. But you know, that's like deleting many of the good memories! In any case, I'll just keep writing as if life went on. Because you know, life goes on.

Anyway, I'll do a personal post about my life as it is. There will be many details revealed here, and though they will be exposed to the general public, they will be quite obscure. As ridiculously contradicting as that sounded.

Okay well, I'm just a bit over 17 and a half years old, and have just recently finished the 2012 HSC. I have been told that I am tolerant, motivated and determined, and I suppose they're all feats. My heart is filled with people I love, and they include my boyfriend (I swear that word seemed really childish when I typed it LOL - but by no means does that mean he's childish), my best friends and my family, in no particular order.

I tend to let things slide pretty easily, and let things go relatively fast. It takes a lot out of me, though, and the emotional toll is horrendous. I actually feel that in some cases, there might be deja vu, despite all reassurance. I am actually a very sad person inside, but I don't think I let that get in the way of how I respond to people. It all comes crashing down that moment I turn off my laptop and my air conditioning, where there is a quiet buzz. Then I start thinking of what could have been, how I could have responded and why I involuntarily torture myself with ridiculous feelings and thoughts.

I'm not a confident person either. I have had comments based on my insecurities reiterated over and over again, but I suppose they've become amusing. I'm not one to say how I truly feel about a situation - I tend to avoid confrontation at all, unless I think that it's really important - especially to me. I don't enjoy hurting people, I'd like to take the fall. I'm afraid of losing people to others, I'm afraid of losing people because of how I am, and I'm afraid of losing people. In general. I'm scared that once they over turn every pebble of my entirety, they'll think I'm bland and boring and just... stop bothering with me.

I mean, it's happened 3 times. LOL. I don't enjoy being in the crossfire of an argument, nor being the middle-person. It kinda gives me the brunt force of both sides and the end result is pretty devastating.

Anyway, on to much happier things. I love the colour blue. All shades of blue. But I love dark/navy blue the most. I also love watching comedies too. And I love Naruto. Like, I live within the fandom - I LIVE AND BREATHE AS A NARUTARD. In saying that - I am behind on so many chapters of this manga, it isn't even funny HAHA My OTP is ItaSaku. Don't ask - I know it ain't gon' happen. But even so, SasuSaku would be nice. It was my first favourite pairing. It still is, but ItaSaku has its charms.

I'm not a girly-girl. I found frills horrendous (I mean those ridiculous frills) and pink a flimsy colour. Unless it's strawberry ice-cream pink, because I like strawberry ice-cream. I also hated Chemistry. The subject itself was icky, but the people I had in my class, especially my P.I.C., were wonderful. Leopard-prints will always be my soft-spot because it's an inside joke HAHA <3 

Okay, I'm tired now. I'll go off and talk to my boyfriend and read my Whatsapp conversations in silence HAHA Goodnight!

offended

I'm offended that you still think I dress sloppily.

Wow.

You know, if I had concentrated on everything else but studying, we wouldn't even have met.

Thanks for having so much faith in how I manage my life. It really does move me so.

So much so that you made me cry.

Again.

the end

Within approximately half an hour, the last four digits of our academic lives thus far will be released. Our HSC marks were released yesterday, and most of us decided upon silence and minimal mention of whatever marks we attained.

I can't say I'm entirely thrilled about my marks, because there were a lot of 'could-have-been's. Especially 4u. I expected a few more marks, but I can definitely say that I underperformed in the actual exam. What saved my rear was the internal (which should have been a bit higher, I think, but I'm alright with that). Then we have English. Oh English, how you plague me so. I got the exact same mark for English in the School Certificate. I'm alright with that too.

But Physics.

I swear, I expected at least close to a band six, but I heard that first in our CVHS cohort didn't receive a band six either. I don't think anyone in our grade received a band six for Physics :(... It was my lowest mark, and I knew I was walking out of the exam with a mark that would drag down my average LMFAO. Oh well, I'm resigned to that mark anyway.

Overall, I'm satisfied. I expected a tiny bit more, a few marks added on to what I have, but I'm happy with it.

I can get into my detour course and I am over the moon with that thought.

MY ATAR WAS RELEASED. I am happy, but the ATAR calculators let me down by .25 HAHA I'm happy nonetheless!

Good luck to those who are about to receive their ATARs!!!!!

haha.

Haha.











That hurt.

do i even matter

Well, do I?

Sometimes I wonder if I ever leave marks in peoples'  hearts like they do in mine.

Because some stomp on my heart and it hurts.

Sometimes, I'm tired.

HAHAHA

Donovan Luong says (11:46 PM)
ABHABHHBS
idk
why
i just love you so much
Donovan Luong says (11:47 PM)
so i'm just
giong to troll
anything you say
BAHABHBAHHABS

Thanks HAHA

vengeful

Lol.

I've asked you before, but you kept declining and now an opportunity arises and then all of a sudden it's your idea.

I'm going to be stoic about this and once again, my tolerance levels will soar.

I have no foreseeable limit for tolerance, after all, right?

Declination at its finest, I have to admit.

subway

I didn't tell you about my day.

I had fun with Dono, and we ate Subway together. Watched a few movies and talked about heaps of things HAHA I don't know how to explain today, because it was so enjoyable but so... chill. Really HAHA

Day with the boyfriend was well spent. As always. (L)

titles and whatnot

I have to second your title, Cynthia! And Tom Hardy is (Y) HAHA I especially liked him in Inception.

I have just finished reading the Hunger Games trilogy. Good. Lord.

I can't.

Why am I too emotionally attached to characters :(

Okay I shall try and find a new book to immerse myself in. I find it a cycle, that after something is read, there is this empty feeling weighing inside your chest that wow, what appears to be a character's experience almost becomes your own. Some novels start slow, but you get hooked onto them anyway. Then when you're too fed up, you can't put it down because it wouldn't feel wholesome. It never will. So you plough through. Then after that, you realise that you've grown too emotionally attached and are at the mercy of the author's literary hand. LOL Seriously.

Books are so torturous to the eyes and mind seriously LOL

I shall go and actually do some work.

Major sigh right here :( The income stream is flowing well, but it kills me to put effort into it. And it also kills me when I spend my own pocket money. Sometimes my own laziness outweighs the importance of the task at hand LOL!

Okay I'll hopefully comeback with something more substantial... Soon.

batb

Okay. The only reason I came back is because of Beauty and the Beast.

OMG VINCENT KELLER WHY DID YOU HAVE TO SEE EVAN KISS CATHERINE URGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Like, I felt his heart break.

Is this what happens when you watch a series and get too into the plot and then end up shattering your heart too!?

fhjakfhsadklfhakfaka

Why.

blog revamp

I am not going to blog until I move my butt and make a new layout. SOOOOO ANNOYED WITH MYSELF, HOW I'M SUCH A PERFECTIONIST AND NEVER DO ANYTHING UNTIL I GET SOMETHING ABSOLUTELY RIGHT :(

I'm watching the Beauty and the Beast, the t.v. show. My gosh Vincent and Catherine should just freaking kiss. There are already so many moments the director has given them and it's only the second episode... (that I've watched).

I'm up to date with Suits, Once Upon a Time and Grimm. GRIMM IS SO GOOD MY GOSH LOL

What is life, as of now?

addicted

To the internet?

Really, that's harsh.

I've been downloading and leaving my laptop on for that while I clean my room and take out my books again to better prepare for Friday, and this is what I get. Wow. LOL.

I can't even fathom the miscommunication that just happened there, and for you to dive right into what I'm going to say and that I'm feeling angry, that just made me LOL inside. Just a bit.

I think I've grown too apathetic to correct people when they misunderstand me. Most of the time they mistaken me for acting like a smart-arse.

I called ze boyfriend this morning, and he was too tired so he went back to bed.

I should get a move on in vacuuming my room. I still haven't done that. I also need to clean the sunroom, too... I still haven't done that.

And Steph, about you being a sloth (which you haven't been, as you've said and I believe), I think I'm acting like one HAHA... :(

drifting

I hope we don't, next year.

I'll always make time for you... But I hope that you'll make time for me too.

I've put in too much to lose someone like you.

and I still see it all in my head

I HAVE JUST FINISHED VACUUMING AND WIPING THE DUST OFF THE DASHBOARD OF MY WHITE CAR LOL.

I think the extreme spare time I have is driving me insane, because I'm beginning to see things that need to be cleaned, when I just cleaned them the day before. I actually haven't finished Catching Fire... Major sigh right here HAHA I want to move onto other books as well... But I can't leave a novel unfinished! :( It feels... unwholesome HAHA

I think I might pop by Officeworks some time this week to buy a few display folders to take to work and whatnot, and actually buy a proper pair of trainers to run. I think my sleeping patterns are becoming waaaay too distorted, and I hope to sleep earlier and look at least a bit healthier than I normally do. I have a movie date with ze boyfriend tonight, I think it's either The Longest Yard or Casino Royale. One of the two. By movie date I mean over msn. Yes, we are still limited to msn LOL

I pretty much see him weekly, so that's good. I miss my girls though :( It's been a long while since we've gone to Strathfield, even more so to see each other D: (L)

I've been maintaining my daily intake of water, so that's pretty good too. THERE'S SO MUCH TIME FOR ACTIVITIES. SERIOUSLY. LIKE I WAITED 13 YEARS FOR THIS (not really, only a few months because reality of an extended holiday doesn't hit you until mid-year 12) AND IT IS WORTH IT.

I'm going to clean my room, again, and take out what I need and what I don't.

Okay I really don't know what else to write HAHA So I'll be off now, ciao!

internet

Donovan Luong says (7:07 PM)
even downlading is fun
with you
AWBHAWBHAWHBAHS

Annie Huynh says (7:07 PM)
HAHAHA
NGAWWWW
(L)

Because competing on how fast your download is, is way too fun LMFAO

sentimentality at its finest

Soooooo. My first substantial blogpost ever since the conclusion of the HSC. I don't know what to say really.

In retrospect, I think I should've tried harder. A lot harder. But I suppose laziness and complacency got the better of me and I just cruised along throughout the year. The exams were a total nightmare - I don't want to live through those 3 weeks ever again. Thinking about going through it once more makes me shiver out of pure fright. I've learned a lot though, to which I wouldn't want to specify within this 1AM post about year 12.

English was one of the biggest (if not the biggest) milestones I have ever clawed my way to. It was dreadful, waking up every morning knowing that you could've studied all year, but chose to cram everything within the last few weeks. Worst decision, by far. Maths was difficult, but fairly doable. Business was abstract. I couldn't tell whether or not I completely failed or just passed. The latter would be nice. And Physics... I can't even comprehend the immensity of this subject when it came to the exam. I am so sure that I did really badly. I don't think my answers are right, my projectile motion question was ridiculous and I just... flunked it.

In any case, that being said and left behind, I did have good memories of the year. Which I don't want to list because of their abundance and how close they've been kept to my heart. Dono went to bed a few minutes ago. He has his interview tomorrow, so I hope he does super well. We're probably going out to eat on Thursday as a celebratory anniversary event or probably just to celebrate the fact that the interview is over and whatever will be, will be. Maybe.

Well, I've been fine. Thanks for asking. I do feel like everything's lifted off my shoulders, but I do have a stable job. Or an income stream. It's not much, but it's sufficient for me because I don't spend too much. I know I wouldn't be able to maintain many jobs at once, because of my desire for a transfer in degrees in the future, but you know, I'll still be looking. I actually don't have to fill up my time with work. I kind of busy myself with the chores at home, do some grocery shopping here and there. It's not much, but it gets me by. I don't know, I suppose being away from everything makes me feel a bit sad and cynical about everything that happens to me.

Sometimes I feel so... empty. And picky over everything. Then I realise that it's not them, it's me. By dwelling on something, all I've done is inflict further pain on myself and those around me. Maybe I'm too sensitive when it comes to certain phrases or words, but I suppose I do mask it well. Until I tell them how I feel, then everything goes haywire. Sometimes I wish for more, but I know it wouldn't happen unless something is mentioned... So yeah.

Anyway, it's 1:20AM. I can officially wish my mummy a happy birthday, but she's in bed sleeping everything off. I'll make her breakfast in bed. I signed out yesterday, and I do feel relatively free now. I no longer have to go back, and I feel somewhat relieved. I suppose it was the frustration of not being able to find my teachers, that killed my mood.

I planned to go DFO today, but you know, I didn't want to use too much petrol to just go there and browse. So... I chose to go grocery shopping with mum and yeah, it was quite eventful. My cousin and his boyfriend came over, we all had dinner, talked to the boyfriend (my boyfriend LOL), and now I'm blogging. I hope he's sleeping well.

I don't think he reads my blog any more LOL :-(

So... yeah. I really don't know what to say. I've been out with my girls once for post-hsc. Yogohouse was the best, and I would go there again. Over and over again. My girls and I had korean cuisine that day too, so it was extra spicy on my end of the table. It was so red, too.

And that is all. I'll blog more when the time comes... Really, unless my readers want to read about how I clean the bathroom, I'll dedicate a blog post on that.

Not.

Ciao my lovelies!

hazy

What if I went, and lost myself

Would you know how to find me?

If I forgot who I am,
Would you please remind me?

'Cause without you things go hazy

- Hazy by Rosi Golan ft. William Fitzsimmons

i'm tired

I really, really want to give up on life, sometimes.

i dont know

lol, maybe it's my fault.

BOS

So I went on the Board of Studies and found out that there was 3 unit Business Studies.

And then I cringed.

unproductive

Today has got to be the most unproductive day I've ever lived through ever since our stuvac started LOL.

I woke up, and I tried sooooo hard to memorise some quotes. And then I lazed around and did nothing but watch masterchef. And then I tried studying my case studies. And then I realise my biological memory card was full, and I got tired and then I slept. For two hours.

Two hours is very precious.

GARGHHHHH! Okay time to try and shove some case studies into my head before I start Module C. Major sigh right here.

churn

I will save the blogging until after the HSC, and even then, I doubt I'll start blogging substantial chunks of life.

I can't churn out anything English-y. At all. IS THIS WHAT DROPPING EXTENSION 1 DOES TO YOU?! FML, IF I HAD KNOWN, I WOULD'VE KEPT IT FHAJKFHDSALKFHASKLHFAKFHSAFKHAS. Words cannot express my frustration that I feel my studying is leading me to nowhere. My two theory subjects, English and Business, will slaughter my ATAR within the split second I walk into that examination room. I feel that I can't produce anything worth reading for Paper 1, and even more so for Paper 2 because of my lack of grounded knowledge.

FARRRRRAFHSDJFKHASDKLFHSADKLFHSA.

I'm seriously panicking. I've been studying for hours, and I only have 4 subjects. FOUR SUBJECTS. PEOPLE DO 6 SUBJECTS AND THEY'RE COPING.

Lord, what have I reduced myself to.

Okay I'm going to hand write some short-answers and hope to the Lord that they answer their respective questions. FML.

med

I... feel my imminent failure.

I have never been so terrified before, in receiving my results.

In all honesty, I think this may be akin to someone who's receiving their pregnancy results, and hoping to every holy being that they are not pregnant for some unknown reason.

The wait for the UMAT results is killing me.

I think they're coming out tomorrow.

I think I might cry. I thought I would've been doing okay, you know? But... I don't know anymore. I want it so badly. It's so much more than doing it for the sake of becoming a doctor.

It's so much more personal than that.

I just... if all goes wrong, I'll tell myself it'll be okay. I'll settle for Medical Science and pray to the Lord for his assistance. And if that doesn't go wrong... well look who's going to sit for the GAMSAT.

Oh fudge.

yes

I have considered what it'd be like if... I stopped existing. As morbid as that sounded, yes. I have considered and thoroughly thought about it.

I don't think anyone really reads my blog posts anymore, but I suppose it's a good thing now?

I don't know anymore.

I.

Don't.

Know.

GARGHHHH BS

BUSINESS STUDIES FAR OUTFAHFJKSDHFLAKFHAK!

I'm doing okay.

Or so I thought, relative to my school's cohort. I suddenly had a shock of realisation that probably 99.9999999999% of the state will be using QANTAS as a case study, and that'll be extremely detrimental to my marks in section IV because I won't be able to compete with probably half the grade.

Oh shit.

And now I'm researching some case studies as back up. I'll probably have 3-5. I want to cry because my teacher said only one was okay :(... And she seems like she skims through HSC papers LOL.

So yeah... fudge cakes. I gotta find case studies *screams*.

exhausted

I don't know about you guys, but I've been physically and mentally exhausted lately. I tend to sleep more often, I tend to feel extremely lazy to do anything and I think I'm beginning to have doubts right now LOL. About life after the HSC and whether I could get the ATAR I want.

I looked back at my older posts and I chortle. And then mentally berate myself and cry because I was so naive back then to think that a 99 was possible LOL. I stuffed up here and there, and I'm trying to push myself to at least get a 95.

MAJOR SIGH.

And I'm changing the format of my notes. Again. Different font, larger space between the text, and bigger diagrams.

Because everyone loves pictures.

Okay that is all now. I can't really update you on my life as of now, because I realise my 'life' has actually deteriorated so dramatically that I feel like I have one, but really I don't.

I'm sleepy, but I'll just push forth so I can write some more notes and sleep for a bit. And then wake up to write that business essay and then after that, go to sleep again, go to church and then to tutor. And hopefully start on Physics notes by tonight... The last section, that is.

WOE IS ME!

ah shoot

I realised the subject I've been neglecting the most is the one that requires extensive preparation. I'm talking long notes filled with ridiculous quotes that demonstrate the concept of belonging and its many aspects. Ah, time well spent, Annie. Time. Well. Spent.

Fudge cakes. :(

forget it

That phrase is so sharp, so cutting.

It's like I'm not even worth their time in explaining something.

Thanks.

secrets

And... maybe I should've just kept everything to myself and hopefully one day, someone would be able to hear the screams of my heart even without a single sound escaping my lips.

And then I realised.

Emotions are heavy burdens to carry.

frustration

I'm sorry I irritate you so much.

trials fmlfmlfmlfmlfadjfahfksala

I believe when my marks come back for every exam I've sat for, since the umat until my Physics trial yesterday (30% goodbye...), I will be so hollow.

GOTTA KEEP FIGHTING ON FAHJFKSADHKLJFAHKFAHKA

I think after trials are over, I need to sit myself down and deconstruct every subject I've done and write heaps of extended responses for English and Business, and also actually finish a past paper for Physics LOL. And maths... let's just say, I need to keep practicing LOL

I want a high ATAR, and it's not going to happen if I don't up my game.

well...

Business was a miserable failure.

LOL.

Just five more, before I can frolic around in field of flowers. In my dreams.

Seriously. I'm so sleep deprived, and I keep craving sleep... Every time I sit on my bed, in the most studious fashion, I end up collapsing into a coma like nap and then waking up feeling totally drugged.

Well, that she be it! I have English tomorrow again and I have perhaps 2 hours after that to recuperate and get my game on for Physics on Friday. MAJOR SIGH RIGHT THERE LOL :(

and then

Once my walls fell, so did everything else.

umat v.478372498273492

LOL

I have no words for this exam.

I think I might resit it next year.

LOL I dread the day I open my gmail.

notes

What I look forward to: formal and the completion of the HSC so I can partayeeeeeeee. With my books. And go out with my loved ones.

What I don't look forward to: sitting the UMAT, the trial exams, and the HSC.

THREE BIG MILESTONES LEFT FOR THIS YEAR.

fhajfkhasflhaa words cannot describe the sheer boredom I feel when I read about my case studies and try to make notes on them.

fahfkahsdflkah FARRRRR OUT

WHY IS THE LMS SERVER DOWN OMFG WHY NOW.FHAJKFHALKHLHFAKHAKLA

NGAW

So like, Dono drove by and I gave him his calculator, which I've had in my possession since Monday's lectures. He gave me frappe (thank you! :D) and we had a super short chat before he drove off to do whatever he needed to. And before I went and embarked on a journey: to clean my room LOL.

Anyway, he told me just then that he was going to ask if he could have a sip of the frappe before he went, but he forgot until he drove off.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA

That was probably of little importance to you, but I still find it amusing.

lecture #1

Highlights:

• Breakfast with Donovan
• When someone else's phone rings, he pretends to answer using my phone - so lame AHAHAHAHAHA
• "HOW DO YOU KNOW WHICH WAY TO GO?"
  "JUST FOLLOW THE PEOPLE WITH THE BAGS"
• Spiky loafers
• Eating chocolate coated peanuts during the lecture

There were more, but it was those "in the moment" type of things HAHA :3

i dont know

I don't know if I should be feeling this way.

Then again, it's my fault.

It always is, anyway.

sigh

I'm so tired.

Of everything.

crashing down

So it just hit me that I may not be able to obtain the marks necessary to get into the course I want. This makes me feel extremely... disappointed in myself. Especially in Business. Since that essay 25%, I'm going to feel so sad when I come back after the holidays. I just... that essay really screwed me over.

I don't know what I'm doing with everything anymore. I feel so reassured for my other subjects and for Business, I feel like I'm trying so hard and nothing's happening.

I'm getting my braces tightened tomorrow too.

tutor v.r43824284392428

I really don't want to go to tutor today. I feel like even though I've tried to do 3 past papers, they're all partial and not... completed. Which means the same thing LOL. We're doing revision anyway, and I suppose it's good to go, but I'm getting so tired of doing everything over and over again... Is anyone else feeling this way, or am I just getting totally bogged down by work and totally demotivated from my epic failure in my Business Studies exam.

Woe is me.

And when it comes to my notes, I realised I've become too verbose. It's just Physics LOL.

so dry omg

Donovan Luong says (8:22 PM)
i shall buy a van
and then buy number plate
dono
BWAHABHABHABHS

einstein

I feel that Physics contains more history than it does on calculations LOL. Is it wrong of me to say this? Because right now, I'm just reading about Einstein and Planck and trying to fill in my last dotpoint, and all I see is "nationalism" and "moral imperatives" and "Nazis". Apologies if I've offended any of you historians out there, but I chose Physics as a subject which pertained solely to science.

:( I'm so tired of seeing words already, and to think, my holidays are going down the drain like this...

past papers

I swear I almost tasted freedom. Until I remembered tutor homework.

limit

I am at my limit for studying now LMFAO I haven't felt this filled to the brim with information in... forever. I don't think it's a good feeling, because I feel like I'm just going to develop so many of my ideas tomorrow and hopefully my fudging in the actual business paper will pull me through. I also typed a few notes for English... which I will print and study tomorrow. And I will study for maths because my studying for that exam has been the choppiest ever.

IT NEVER FEELS LIKE IT'S ENOUGH *SIGH* :(

this could be paradise

Oh my gosh, I have not been that productive today.

I came on to share this:

So I was reading my textbook when I found the 'objectives' of the Volumes chapter of my maths textbook. It says that "students will develop an appreciation of the scope, usefulness, beauty and elegance of mathematics". I choked on my spit when I saw that and guffawed.

Oh, the maths syllabus uses such eloquent language to describe something so numerical LOL.

maths assignment

Omg, I actually don't know if it was an assignment or not. Donovan tried sending it to me but I couldn't open it... So I checked studywiz and found a document titled exactly that and I was like, oh, okay, what's this? IS OUR TEACHER SERIOUSLY EXPECTING US TO SEND IT BACK TO MARK!? LMFAO I never knew he was this technologically savvy... If that's a way to put it. Phrasing was a bit awkward there. MUST FINISH LAST 2 DOT POINTS FOR BUSINESS UGHHHH I'M SO SICK OF OPERATIONS. I don't enjoy this topic because there are no numbers :( Woes of a math student HAHA

So yeah, gotta finish studying this within 20 minutes and then move onto doing that... assignment. I'll start English notes tomorrow or something. My subjects are everywhere lately LOL JUST THREE MORE TO GO. JUST THREE MORE *CRIES A RIVER*

away

Omg, Away We Happened is so good. Though in episode 5, I think Jean's acting was a tiny bit forced. Anyway, I'm off to do some studying for Business. Major sigh right here.

cc day

All I can say is wow. I have never been so tired in my life. But all the fun has ended :( I want to do all those things again, I want to be up there again, I want to relive it again. And also, thank you Maliney for those papers!!! <3

I may be back with photos of the day, if I am bothered. Or I might just hog them all to myself and look at them myself and cringe at my fringe. Or lack thereof. HAHA I had fun, I really did!

all for this

I would like to dedicate this post to the most important thing in my life right now.

We've had our ups and downs, and right now, I really don't feel like doing anything about it. I feel like giving up, I feel like taking back everything. I want to start again, I want to savour each moment and break our relationship down, piece by piece. I would like to understand you, to get a second chance, just do do everything right. I've messed up pretty badly in the past, and I just want to re-live all those moments where I had the potential to change whatever I did. HSC, you suck :( Seriously...

THIS IS ALL FOR MY HSC FAR OUT I DON'T WANT TO STUDY ANYMORE BECAUSE I'M SO MENTALLY EXHAUSTED FROM THIS MONOTONY AND THIS RIDICULOUS AMOUNT OF INFORMATION I NEED TO ABSORB BY MY TRIALS UGHHHHHH.

And UMAT too. I've neglected you.

GARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

And my orthodontist appointment is on the 2nd of July. I'm getting my braces tightened, so pray I can actually come back without having shocks of pain jolting toward my brain. I'm handing in my assignment tomorrow too - I don't want to see my work anymore, it's been five weeks and I don't like work sitting there.

Effort, hopefully, will pay off.

And I'm disappointed (ish) for my exams LOL. Well, I suppose I did alright, but it's not enough to pull my average up. Pray that the actual external exam (especially the trial) will not stuff up my ATAR.

I'm freezing to death, and I'm so lazy to do anything.

canon

FHJAKHSDLFHAFAFHDLK AFTER SITTING IN THE SAME SPOT FOR AN HOUR, I REALISED WHERE MY PRINTING WENT WRONG. THE REASON WHY IT WAS SO LIGHT WAS BECAUSE MY UNCLE'S INK CARTRIDGE DRIED OUT :@

What a waste of paper used for testing :( I'm printing Business notes as we speak LMFAO

physics generator report

And suddenly, after typing everything up, I remember the nightmare of resizing images.

I'm lagging behind schedule (or lack thereof) so badly right now. I'M PRAYING THAT WHAT I SAY WILL GET ME THOSE 7 MARKS *CRIES* I need to reference too... and label my images. UGH THE EFFORT PUT INTO THIS ASSIGNMENT IS TOO MUCH.

Oh, and I'm relearning how to reference because seriously, this is not general knowledge for me. EFFORTTTTTTTTTT! I want twisty hot chips too. I'm hungry :( I shall go reference and then eat and then after that, start revising Conics because it's a gross topic and I really don't want to fail my math exam.

generator

fhajkfhalkfhakfalfa.

I FEEL SO ILLITERATE WHEN I'M WRITING MY PHYSICS REPORT. Must finish by tonight, or at least, by tomorrow afternoon. I hate dragging on pieces of writing. I either finish it within a few short hours, or I leave it there to rot on my desktop.

I have tutor tonight, and I'm so wiped out. I think I'll start printing notes for Business by... tomorrow?

There's so much to do, and I think it's finally starting to hit me that this is my HSC year. A little late, I know.

Whoever said this year would be the most memorable is right - however, it's also the year that everyone puts in their all.

SO MUCH EFFORT *WHINES*.

today

Today's exam drained me so much.

The past few days have as well, and all the assignments piling up will too.

I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT 4U TUTOR HOMEWORK.FHAKJHFAKLFHAKFHAK.

Okay bye :(

enough

Never.

Ever.

Enough.

i'm living a nightmare

Suddenly, I came to an epiphany (epiphANNIE would've been a good jersey name, like my current one). I realised that maths has totally changed since year 7; not in the level of difficulty, but its transition from numbers to letters. Letters belong in English. So technically, I'm doing English in a more logical way. In any case, Mechanics is doing my head in because I'm so tired right now and I'm not feeling fine and dandy as I appear to be anymore.

I feel so drained and I feel like I should be panicking because exams are so close.

Sometimes I feel so sad, for no apparent reason.

Well, productivity has been moderate today. Finished section 3 of M&G notes for Physics and finished English homework with Jura before 12PM. And then I showered. And now I have another 2 questions before I finish my mechanics revision.

Then I'll do Conics notes. And then I'll probably revise for the maths exam at the end of this week.

Sigh.

i rehearsed this moment so many times in my head

PRODUCTIVITY AT ITS HIGHEST. Nah, I'm joking, but I am being productive to an extent. I just got distracted by the smell of my lip balm, it smells so nice HAHA

I will now continue with my projectile motion questions that I left for... 2 days now? And then start on my Conics notes and then actually go and make some Royal Umbrella noodles. I really like these noodles, because they remind me of camp and how us girls would sit in our cabins and eat them, and just talk in general. I love my girls. Always. <3

Anyway, yeah, I gotta get on with work!

bugger

I just read Lyanna's post on the 2u exam. Which I almost, almost forgot about. I did a solid one and a half hours of sleeping, and then trying to do UMAT (which I failed to concentrate on) and now I'm about to go and study my arse off for tomorrow's assessment. I don't think I'm going to get very far because I started this late.

Ugh, I feel so... inadequate.

And plus my jaw's still hurting because the tooth-holes are closing up and it's pulling back my other teeth.

Woe is me.

no church in the wild

Ughhhh the soundtrack for the Great Gatsby is so good.

MUST WATCH AT THE END OF THIS YEAR!

too much

I HAVE TOO MUCH TO SAY AND AM LIMITED TO 1000 WORDS! There should be 300 words leeway for verbose people LMFAO.

Funny how my teacher told me I'm verbose and that I should learn to cut down, then when I ask her how to do so, she says that it's naturally the way I write. What did I do to deserve such opposing advice about my writing LOL.

I have tutor tonight, and I haven't even finished half of my homework. I'll just do English until 12 and hopefully make a very large verbal dent into what I see as an edit-as-you-go feature article.

I am really turned off English right now.

black and yellow

Donovan says (10:41 PM):
*you're my dark chocolate
*ROLFMO

And he says he limits these jokes to one per day.

DUN LIE DONO, DUN LIE!

extremities

FAR OUT. FHAKJSDHFASKLFHASFHSADKFA

THE PAIN IS BECOMING UNBEARABLE NOW FAR OFUAIUFHAWUILHFAILFHSADIFSAHDFILSAFHASKJAFDSFHAFKLAHL

EIGHT SEPARATORS, WHAT THE HELL FHADJKHFLAFA

Then again, I did dig a hole for myself when I asked for braces.

my teeth

So I had my brackets put on my teeth this morning, as well as blue separators. Can I just say that as of right now, I want to dislocate my jaw and bleed to death because of the immense pain (not really) and discomfort I feel. My mouth is always hanging open and I'm eating congee and dribbling.

And I'm so behind for everything.

LOL fml.

Thank you guys soooooo much!!!!!

Thank you everyone for today. You've all truly made my 17th birthday, the last birthday I'll be celebrating as a student, worthwhile! I love you guys, seriously. Especially to my girls, thank you from the deepest pits of my heart. You've all made me why I am today and I am so glad that you're all a part of my life. I love you all, and you all are definitely guaranteed a spot in my heart no matter what happens, where we are or who well be. I'm so glad I've met you, and seeing your faces today made my steadfast belief of awesomeness relating to us, so much stronger. Sisters, always. <333333333333344 :'DDDDDD

FAR OUT

fakjhkalhfak.

I just found out that I don't have a hard copy of my Motors and Generators notes.

And I lost the electronic copy in my hard drive format.

fhdkahflahfhfl

STARTING FROM SCRATCH AGAIN. THIS IS NOT THE RIGHT TIME.

i heard you were a wild one

And I brushed it off like it was nothing.

But in reality, it was everything, and it could potentially result in nothing.

oversleeping

FAJKFHASDLFHASDLFKSADHFAFK!

I don't like it when I take a short (planned) nap. Because then after the alarm rings, I 'stop' it and then I just close my eyes and sleep again. I just woke up from a one hour and fifteen minute nap... :( I can't TAKE THISFHAJDKHFAKFHSAKFAL. IT CUT MY STUDY TIME SO BADLY. Okay, I'm going off to do some stuff *sigh* LOL Just another seven pages to type up for Business and I'm done with retyping my lost notes.

And then I have Physics.

Speaking of which, for my ranks, I feel that I'm doing 'okay' but not... there yet. I will try harder, because this second semester is all I have left in order to succeed.

deep

I'm glad that you accept me for who I am, what I was and hopefully who I will be.

I am really, really, really lucky to have someone like you.

conical pendulum

It's the only part of mechanics I feel comfortable doing.

I lost all my files in a compulsory hard-drive reformat. Bloody :@ Words cannot explain how completely and utterly stressed I feel. I finished (re)typing Human Resources for Business Studies, but what concerns me the most would have to be my Physics dot points. So much effort went into those dot points.

Anyway, ciao for now, I need to go and finish my tutor homework before I could clean my room, continue writing my notes and hopefully go out. To buy whipped cream for Monday's Business lesson. We're making pancakes.

So yeah, bye!

deprived

lol.

Did I do something wrong? Again?

I never learn, do I?

he said he was nice

Donovan says (8:39 PM):
*annie
*are you
*al ca niga ?
*ROFLMAO
*HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAS
*JOEKS
*ROFLMAO

Not Al Capone. But Al Ca Niga. *head desk*

fjasdfhsafhasfkahslfaf

GARGHHHHHHHHHHHH I HAVE NO HOPE FOR THE UMAT. THERE'S SO MUCH TO DO. I'VE FINALLY TOUCHED THE PREP COURSE AFTER 1-2 MONTHS, AND I'M FEELING SO LOST. I need to squeeze in practice... somehow? LOL. FML.

Though, I'm loving life as it is now :)

push

Someone force me to understand this. Please.

i'm out of touch, i'm out of love

So... I was just lying in bed. In fact, I've moved myself into a sitting position under my blanket. I suppose it's a stage for me to get myself to wake up on Saturdays. Properly.

I was thinking about my ranks. Since reports come out on the 21st, I think it's going to decrease the chance of eating out the next day :( I'm not pleased with my ranks - for any of my subjects (disregarding one or two). I don't know if it's because I really don't have any idea how I did compared to the entirety of the grade, or whether it's because I really haven't tried enough. Probably both.

I think it's especially English, that I need to up my game for. The first two assessments screwed me over. Especially that speech. I was shocked when I got my mark LOL. Oh well, what's done is done. Hopefully, the next assessment is a hand-in essay for comparative study. I like comparative study.

PRODUCTIVITY LEVELS AT ITS PEAK

So I did my work today. Solely dedicated to maths. I did the first exercise from my Fitzpatrick textbook, finished a part of the Cambridge exercise (hell yeah) and I finished off Resisted Motion from the tutor sheet. I'm still stuck on the last part though.

I've never felt so... motivated? Okay, maybe I have, but I'm talking about how motivated I feel this year. I know it's a little late to be saying "hey, it's time to be pulling yourself together", because really, I only have 2 terms left before I sit the exams that probably determine my Asian life.

I need to sit down and reorganise everything.

Okay, since I had a productive afternoon... ish? I'll go online and talk to Donovan LMFAO :D

Funny how when I talk about work on my blog, it always has the "maths" label HAHAHAHA

lessons in love - headhunterz remix

Mechanics is so not my thing. Sometimes I get it, sometimes I don't.

I actually haven't blogged for a long, long time. I had my orthodontist appointment today, and the lady took a study impression of my teeth (ugh, that gross pink moulding gel) and took photos of my teeth for before and after. I scheduled my next appointment on my birthday *face palm*

I think on Saturday I might be going for another x-ray to have images taken on the sides of my jaw for further observation or something. Nothing much has happened these past few weeks, actually. I received most of my results, and I'd say they're... mediocre. In retrospect, I think I should've put a lot more effort into all my subjects (just four LOL).

So yeah, um, I'll get back to resisted motion. Because the algebra and integration is too intense for me. Too intense. I thought conics was messy (it's still the worst topic though - can't agree with Dono that it's the best topic in the universe), but this gets so bad :( IT'S EVEN EXTENDED OUR TUTOR TIME (I'm not complaining for the most part - just the fact that I'm going to starve to death for 2.5 hours in a cold room).

Okay, bye HAHA.

i'm sorry

lol, I feel so horrible.

The last thing I want to do is push you away, because I know that pushing, to an extent, will drive you to your limit. And then you'll leave.

Again, I'm sincerely sorry. Really, I am.

the origin of the chopsticks

Donovan says (12:46 PM):
*once upon a time
Donovan says (12:47 PM):
*in china
*there was a king

Donovan says (12:47 PM):

*right

*he ate things

*by

*poking

*a stick

*into the foood

*then

*putting it in his mouth

anknee says (12:47 PM):

*that's what i do

Donovan says (12:47 PM):

*but when

*they discovered rice

*he didn't know

*how to eat the rice

*he tried toothpicks

*but

anknee says (12:47 PM):

*LMFOA

*TOOTH

Donovan says (12:47 PM):

*it was bound to be too long

anknee says (12:47 PM):

*PICKS

*OMG

Donovan says (12:47 PM):

*ROFLROLFMAO

anknee says (12:47 PM):

*OMG

*HAHHAHAAHHAHA

Donovan says (12:47 PM):

*to eat

*one grain at a time

*so then

*his general

*one day

*had two hands

*so used two chop sticks

*ROFLMAO

Donovan says (12:48 PM):

*and yeah

*BAM

*THERE

*ROFLMAO

*and they hate

*odd numbers

*ROFLMAO

It's too funny. Well, I thought it was HAHAHAHA

mechanics

So... I was just thinking about tutor tomorrow. And then I remembered Dono saying that he was reading about the mechanics part to prep-up. And then I had the urge to look at it too. Then now I have one question:

What did I get myself into?

LMFAO. But seriously LOL I honestly am not prepared to go to tutor tomorrow. I love tutor, and I love holidays, but seriously, those two don't mesh well. At. All.

*sigh* I'll go do something more productive with my time LOL...

chick flicks

I finished Physics. I don't want to touch my notes again. *sigh*

I watched the Vow. And died LOL I am such a sucker for these sad romantic movies hfjkadhfaklfa.

And I'm now watching Crazy, Stupid, Love.

"Fuck! It's like you're photoshopped!"

LMFAHFDJKHFAL

shoot myself in the foot

I feel like I've done nothing today, really. I haven't walked around the house, I haven't done any chores - I feel like a slob. I need to clean up the back of my door for clothes that I need to put in the wash, vacuum my room and probably change my bed sheets. I need to do all this before 8:30PM, so wish me luck LOL.

I'm also going to finish off this section for Physics and hopefully do a bit of UMAT. It's been precisely one month since I touched it. This is so bad. I feel that everything's slipping from my fingertips now LOL. GOTTA MAN UP AND FINISH NOTE-TAKING AND WHATNOT.

I'm going to sleep early tonight. If early means 11:30PM HAHA

Tutor's back on Saturday.

somebody special

So I picked up my pen today. And now my handwriting looks like I had horrible muscle spasms LOL.

I mean come on, it's been just three and a half days since Thursday. And three and a half days since I saw Donovan D: LOL Keeping the cheesy factor down low since I have my girls reading my blog every now and then - I wouldn't want them to pass out over clogged arteries.

Lately I've been sleeping late, waking up early, and getting knocked out again at around 11AM. Yes, 11 in the morning. I don't know why my body feels this tired. I'm trying to regain my strength by eating healthily as well - it's so hard to start eating properly again after exam week D:

Well, anyway. I'm still sorting out sheets, and at this rate, I'll be done by 5 or something. Ciao!

english

This is very true. HAHA

shoot

Somebody stop me.

I'm getting addicted to these Mystery Case Files games again... *sigh*

I'm probably going to play Mystery Case Files: Dire Grove first LOL. Going to be spooked when I sleep now :( I'll start downloading, but I'll play after I finish 2 exercises of Integration from that Terry Lee textbook.

I need to up my game for this coming term as well. I keep saying it, but I die out entirely toward the end of the term. *sigh*

Okay, bye :)

FREEDOM

FHJDSKABASKFBNSAKFSADNFDA I'M FREEEEEEEEEEEE!

Well, not really. I have a Physics topic test coming up on Monday, but meh, my half yearlies are done and out of the way. Thoughts?

• English - Alright
• Business - Alright
• 2u - Stupid trapezium question
• 3u - Stupid subbing question... did it wrong bloody. IT WAS 10 + 5 HFKAJDHFDAKLFHAKA. I did 10 minus 5 :( Goodbye one/two marks LOL
• 4u - It was so hard.

And yes. That was it.

Okay I'm going to go out and eat with my parents and favourite aunty later! :D And then come back home to fully relax and chat to my girls via Whatsapp and talk to Dono :) And perhaps in the meantime, do some Physics study.

black and white

Donovan, I know you're going to laugh at the title and say something racist LMFAO HAHA. But yeah, it's a song, so don't get any ideas about me admitting I'm dark.

I can't sleep. I've been awake since an hour ago (3:42AM) and I have done nothing but lie in bed and thinking about the future. Of failure. *CRIESSSSS* But yeah, it took me 45 minutes to drag myself out of the bed to do some solid projectile study after I tried calling Donovan at an ungodly hour LOL. He's such a heavy sleeper, it puts my sleeping nature to shame. Seriously. At camp, I didn't even know my friends painted my toe nails until they pointed them out the next day HAHA.

I think not sleeping enough will take a very, very big toll on me today. And tomorrow. And Friday. I think on Friday my family and I are going out to eat dinner to celebrate my end of exams (yay!). I seriously, sincerely hope I did well... or at least pass for Business. I cannot care less for English right now.

Okay, I'm going to continue cramming in more work.

Ciao!

2 down, 3 to go

So I just finished my content-filled exams (English and Business) and I must say, I feel so much lighter now! I didn't finish my last response for English because I was doing God knows what in that exam. Seriously. I kept checking the time, and I knew I had time, but I kept wasting it staring at the black dots on the exam booklet. I finished half of my little essay in Section 1, so hopefully I can scab 1-2 marks there. Hopefully.

I didn't reproduce enough pages for my Section 2 and Section 3... I only wrote a booklet on each. *sigh* The woes of an unprepared student. Oh well. And Business was... ultimate time management on my part. I rushed through the short-answers section within 30-45 minutes, and the rest of the time was spent regurgitating my case study on QANTAS and suggesting strategies for better HR management.

My hand seriously aches. I can't imagine myself doing English Extension 1 on the same day either... I miss those days and my class though :') I did nothing today. I seriously didn't. I woke up at 6AM, read a few messages before going to shower. I took my sister to school, ate breakfast, tried to study (and failed to) and then set myself on my couch. And fell asleep.

I woke up with jumper marks all over my face LOL.

And then yeah, texted some more :3 and then I did a bit of maths (only 2 questions D:) and then I set off for school. Saw Panda, called out to her and walked in with her. Saw Annie Lam, called out to her, and walked to the hall. Sat down front row and recorded my student number.

After that, I did the test and yeah. Came out, waited for mum with Jennifer and Annie, and then went home to pick up sister. I'm so tired...

OKAY, GOTTA POWER THROUGH MY BOOKLETS. HFAKJHSDFKASHFKLAA.

I think, I was given more than what I asked for. But I'm not letting go.

It's not like I do on purpose, anyway.

after effects

Dying.

Ugh, I feel like my throat has had sandpaper rubbed against it over and over again. My joints and back feel achy as well.

FML, exam week next week as well.

Sigh.

see right through your heart

So, I've rekindled my love for R&B.

Anyway, I aim to finish 3 sections for business today during free period! I feel so under-prepared right now... I'm not going to do applications of calculus (3u) for the exam, so I'm stacking up on Jimmy's homework. I might go on at 9 to 9:30PM today... Ugh, seriously, where is my life going. I feel that I'm not doing enough to become what I want to become, especially with my business teacher breathing down our necks (not literally - that's creepy) and bragging about her son's private school life. The more I think about it, the more I feel that it's not our fault we're disadvantaged LOL. It's a hint, if you didn't get it.

Anyway, I have school in a bit. I might sit alone for free period today... but I'd be way too lonely. Oh stuff it, I'm going to sit with people today and study as hard as I can. I'm beyond tired right now - I haven't had 8 hours sleep since... forever ago! I need to make amendments to my Belonging essay as well, so that should be done tonight. Seriously, damn it all.

My eyebags make me feel disgusting.

Okay that's all for now :) I have no time for anything. CIAAAAAAAAO!

Some people are just too joyful in the ungodly hours of the morning. Seriously. *pointedly stares*

avicii - levels (in reverse) - george monev edit

fhakfhla. I loveeee this track so much.

And I promised I would never sleep late again. Look what happened HAHA. I have two blisters, and I can't walk without one scraping the floor. I can't seem to do tutor homework for some reason. I need to actually do UMAT practice. I've been putting it off for so long, it's ridiculous. And I need to look over my notes for Physics, and start studying Business Studies and start revising for English. FHKJADHFAJSKFHSJHFKASA.

ENGLISH.

And maths. Gargh, who the hell puts projectile in an exam when we still haven't properly learnt it?! Oh wait, yeah, that's right, it's assumed that we have learnt it because our teacher is the head teacher. I'm so tired, seriously. Though, I did have 7.5 hours of sleep! Improvement, I suppose?

I'm  really, really lazy to go tutor right now. As much as I love the environment and what we do there, I really can't be bothered today, and I really hope he doesn't chuck a double lesson over us. *cries*. I must cram applications of calculus in... today. Or tomorrow. Most likely today, because I'm motivated to do work on Saturday.

I feel happy :)

papers

FHKWAFHSAKLHFSALKFA THESE PAST PAPERS FROM TUTOR ARE KILLING ME SO BADLY. I CANT EVEN GET PAST QUESTION 2 WITHOUT WASTING A COLUMN IN MY BOOK. HFKADHFAKLDHFADKLFHAKFHDAK.

I'm going to go and finish off what remains now. I need to power through all of this by tomorrow night! If not... I'll go and dedicate my time to this tomorrow and finish my anti-climatic story for Belonging tonight. Seriously, FML.

I also have a Physics topic test next Thursday (we're to assume it's on Thursday). My half yearly mark is currently on the line.

FHDAUKJFHAKFHAKS BUSINESS. ENGLISH. MATHS. PHYSICS. WHY ARE MY FOUR SUBJECTS SO DRAINING D:

cosine

IT WAS A COSINE GRAPH. A COFAHDUIFHAFIUAHFBCSJADNFACILKJ

I CAN'T EXPRESS HOW STUPID I FEEL RIGHT NOW.

So bloody ridiculous, fml. It was 15% *CRIES*

projectile

FHKSDAHFAKHFAKJFHA.

There's so much work to do :( I finished, printed and added extra stuff for Physics. I don't care anymore (maybe I do, but that's beside the point as of now), and so I won't touch it until tomorrow morning for the exam. I'm going to start English with Jura soon, and while I wait for her to finish her biology notes, I'll continue with my strategies for effective financial management! THREE MORE DOTPOINTS TO GO. IT'S OKAY.

I went with mum to Stocklands to eat and shop. I got two pyjama robes, because they were on sale, fluffy and looked warm. They were on sale. Mummy bought two blue ones for me :) Then, we went to the car and then after that, the remote didn't work. I ran back in to buy credit to call my dad and found out that in my car, there was another remote. It was such a hassle.

So yeah, I picked up my sister, came home and finished off Physics. Nothing much today :') I'm sleeping early today though... *stares pointedly*

heaven

I'm sooooo addicted to Ailee's Heaven. The story behind the mv was actually really, really sad too. I cried :(

So I'm going to spend perhaps... an hour to do the remaining amount of Physics research before taking advantage of my now functioning printer to do probably 2-3 copies. Yes, I must take immense precautions! So yeah. I'll start with blogging about my day, because I haven't done that in a long while.

We had House Captain and Vice Captain elections and then we went to rollcall. Nick wasn't at rollcall, so I sat in silence and talked to Raymond for a bit. Then I had maths, and had a few black jokes thrown on me 8) and then did more Application of Calculus questions before rushing off to English. Little Panda thought I was mad at her, but I could never be mad at her! <3 So then we had English, and Jura and I were feeling productive, so we basically finished off half the questions during class. We then analysed Sonnet XIII before continuing with the questions.

Had recess - I initially borrowed Annie Lam's jumper, but it looked like I was a giant so I borrowed Tanya's one instead, while she wore Lamrocks! Their jumpers smelt so nice :') So then we stood there chatting and then we had Physics. We were at the computer room doing the Westinghouse vs. Edison dotpoint, and feeling productive once again, Theresa and I finished it within one period, printing a copy for all four of us. Then we went to do a bit more research for Physics before finishing up and heading for lunch.

Lunch was spent eating and chatting again. I love my girls :') Yeah, and I returned Teezles's jumper to her before she and Steph left for Ancient :D THANK YOU! <3 Lamrock and I headed to Business where we started our next topic, Operations, with a few videos and slides from Miss's powerpoint. I suppose having miss go through her powerpoint helps me write faster?

So yeah, I waited after school with Cindy for my mum to come pick me up and waited for mum again while she went in to pick my sister up too. Came home, at strawberries dipped in chocolate and some crackers before finishing off the remaining load of English homework and now I'm going to start Physics :)

Ciao! :D

abc

Okay. Here's the thing.

We have tutor tutors in one building. Disputes were bound to happen.

Well, basically, our tutor teacher started a campaign - starting with our class, and it will follow on for the other classes as well. He called it "ABC 2012", and you'd all know where the "2012" came from.

Anyway, long story short, FOCUS COLLEGE PRIDE WOOOOOOOH!

Seriously.

and this is why

And this is why I never ask for anything LOL.

I feel so horrible for saying this, but when it comes to exercise and healthy eating, mum always assumes that she knows best and knows all.

Really, it's actually just yoga this and yoga that.

And then she goes to the extent to prove her point, and cuts everyone along the way lol.

treadmills

"I'm listening."

"Don't be cocky with me!"

How was "I'm listening" supposed to sound cocky? HAHA. Seriously, though, I'm so tired of people misinterpreting me.

tin tin

So, I asked Donovan for Tin Tin the movie. And he gave me his usb. Which I will return tomorrow, and hope that in the near future, it either burns to a crisp or is infested with viruses.

Really. Here, look.

I persevered. Because it's Tin Tin. And I will never give up on Tin Tin.

YOU CAN'T STOP ME FROM GETTING TO MY TIN TIN MOVIES.

seriously

I can never look at a toilet paper roll or a doughnut the same way ever again.

Ever.

And to have an example of a 10m ladder falling down a wall at a constant rate of 4m/s further supports my idea that seriously, maths is not applicable to life in general. That example only guarantees instantaneous death.

faragay

"... so you can never see Faragay the same ever again."

This all stemmed from our Physics Open Book.

this love's like a rodeo

Physics tutorials tomorrow morning, so I'm going to sleep early. If you call 10:45PM early. I had tutor a few hours ago, and I can finally say that year 12 is beginning to hit me. The workload is manageable, but sometimes it spins out of control. I need to cut my fingernails. I couldn't play the piano today, and it was a bit frustrating HAHA. I would like to give a big thank you to Steph N for sending me that pdf file! :D <3 I'll be sure to send it to Theresa ASAP.

Your post. fhdfakjflhakfjah.

Girls, I love you, but my phone was getting spammed during tutor, despite having no credit. I'm still getting your messages, but I can't send mine? Yeah D: I love you girls (L) :3

I've finished a section for Business! Now for processes of financial management and I'll be done. And then I'll move onto strategies.

I'M SOOOOO TIRED.

tired

Physically tired.

Seriously, what the hell.

So... I need to clean up my table. This week I went through a speech and a few topic tests. And tutorials. 4u tutorials are so stressing. Because the questions are so hard and the stress of just getting to school is really getting to me. Yeah, just getting to school. My eyes are itchy, I'm sleeping soon. In 7 minutes.

I'm going to remake my self-imposed timetable, and follow it. And I should actually start using my newly purchased textbook! BEST INVESTMENT OF THE YEAR.

I'm so tired. I hope this is enough. *stares*

patch adams

"I wanna help people. Last night with Rudy, I connected to another human being. I want more of that. I want to learn about people, I want to help them with their troubles."

"That's what I do."

"But you suck at it."

Patch Adams is probably a film that'll stay on my favourite films list. For a long, long time.

indeed, mathsman

Donovan says (6:34 PM):
*AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHS
*but yeah
*he probally likes her
*ROFLMAO
*she likes him
*they do maths
*as romance
*ROFLMAO
*they don't go out to dinner
*they do maths together
Donovan says (6:35 PM):
*look into each other's as they manipulate the integral
*eyes*
*then they take turns
*to do a step
*passing to each other
*and smiling
*whilst his heart stops beatting when he ads the C at the end
*ROFLMAO
anknee says (6:35 PM):
*i'm going to
*post this
*on my blog
*seriously
*LMFAO

lost

You have virtually lost all of my trust. All of it.

Never fuck with my family. You turned us against each other for the weekend, and I'm not even sure if I want to know you any more.

LOL I hope you have a good life, because I can't be fucked dealing with two-faces like you.

You've been exploited, bitch.

UNDERSTANDING

I UNDERSTAND NOW TANYA. I UNDERSTAND NOW! HAHAHA <3

JUST 13 QUESTIONS LEFT

Before I finish tutor homework. I'm so tired, it's ridiculous. I don't plan to sleep at 12 again tonight...

I went to my dermatologist and he prescribed like, three different drugs. Let's just say, I'll be loading up on water before my skin dehydrates and shrivel up. I kid, but really, dehydration will happen. I hope we don't have a topic test tomorrow. I hope I have enough time to do my English speech. I hope for so many things and I just delaying what I have right now. I really really want to start the Great Gatsby tomorrow. I prefer studying novels over everything. Seriously.

Okay, bye. I'm so out of itttt.

yes

Othilia, yes I did know! :D I already finished reading the novel in the holidays, but I really liked it, so I bought it :)

I'm off to see the dermatologist tomorrow, so hopefully I can get some ideas on what kind of crappy skin I've been blessed with. Really.

I am also one and a half chapters behind for maths. fhdakfhajklfhafka. FGKSADHUADHFASKLFHADK. I have no words. I don't think anyone expected my maths teacher to fly through the bloody 4u course like this. Which reminds me: "how about we do it like this: trial and no error" fhadkjfhak  gets me every time.

I'm so tired. I feel like I'm running out of fuel. I need to get back into shape... so I'm downloading Zumba. WOOOH! Motivation!

Okay bye :( I have so much to do.

impulse

So... I impulsively bought to classic novels: The Great Gatsby and The Picture of Dorian Gray. I regret nothing.

TICK TACK BY UKISS IS SOOOOOO ADDICTIVE. I CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF THEM, THEY LOOK SOOOO GOOD! :O <3

debase

I hate being the older sister.

I will fucking slap the next person who says it's normal to fucking say that.

fhadfalfkh

CYNTHIA, YES. I LOVE YOUR POST. YES, I CAN NOW REJOICE WITH YOU WHEN THE HUNGER GAMES COME OUT! I TOTALLY SHIP PEETA/KATNISS. ALWAYS. :D

Always.

ALWAYSFHGADJFHAKJF!

peeta

PEETA. PEEEEEEETA. MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU, PEETA MELLARK :( FHJKADHFKLAFHAJL. The ending made my heart wrench, that is was all for the audience. ALL FOR THE AUDIENCE. If the protagonist had acted any differently without feeling confused herself, I would have surely lashed out. But when Katniss began to question her own feelings, she's off the hook.

Ugh, let me go and drown myself in sorrow as I re-imagine the novel. *CRIESSSSS*

I am so sucky for unrequited feelings. Like how Snape loved Lily. Oh, and here's when I die all over again. *wraps self in blanket and lies in fetal position*.

the hunger games

I have no words. Nothing to say. IT'S SO THRILLING. FKJAHDFJLKAHK.

No words.

bookshops

I bought a box set of a book series, 3 textbooks and Hungry Jacks. My careers adviser was nice, and has probably made me realise that yes, it is possible, with effort.

Today was a good day. And I'll finish maths homework now. Okay bye :)

testemonials

Tutor was fun, but draining at the same time. I'm so sick of coming home to late nights. I'm pretty sure Sir and the rest of the class don't like it either, but hopefully this will be the very last time we have to make up for it. I have to do that English belonging thing that miss told us to do, and finish off the last inverse functions exercise before starting on Integration homework.

I continued to read J-Horror and K-Horror on Wiki. Wikipedia-ing horror movies is the best. You still get scared, but not to a scarring degree. 'TIS MORE EPIC IF YOU MAKE IT OUT TO BE. I'm going to get my next batch of contacts soon. I'M STILL ON THE SAME DEGREE. YAY!

I... am still eating. I don't think I can mentally cope with English tomorrow morning. Nor Mr M's droning. No tutorials tomorrow morning either, from what I heard from Cindy and Juliana... so I'm not going early. Oh yeah, I have Physics homework.

I need to make Business notes.

The woes of a HSC student. Version zero point one (thus far).

long day

I came home after an 8 hour school day. I am so tired, and I turned on some music to get into study mode. And it happened to be B2ST. And then, inside, I died a little because of drifting from Yo Seob. Their music was so good... and it still is! I think I just overplayed it and then got use to all their songs.

Yo Seob, I will never leave you again :( I LOVE YOU, HGFKAGHDKAHFKA.

And my exam is tomorrow. I am nowhere near prepared. After tomorrow's exam, I'm going to go and eat with my mum, come home and write notes, and sleep to my heart's content because exams are when I get the antsiest.

PLEASE, LORD, HELP ME DO WELL TOMORROW. IT'S 10% OF MY INTERNAL MARK. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. I'm using my dad's laptop, if you're wondering why I'm online LOL.

Okay now, bye! I have another 15 minutes of free time before I go and immerse myself in polynomials and complex numbers. I'm so sick of these topics, seriously. I need new ones in my life now.

And today we were talking about horoscopes. Let me just say, that the most 'sensitive' spot, determined by the zodiac website Steph used, ones for two of my lovelies, was quite funny and will never be mentioned in a mindless conversation. Unless it needs to be brought up between my friends for the sake of laughing. Which is all the time. I love my best friends.

"there was a special link that no mathematical calculations could have derived"

I'm texting my two girls right now, and yes Tanya, I can imagine it. I might die from over-exposure to adorableness. fhajdkfhakjlfs. :D I love my girlies! Steph, heavy breathing. HAHAHAFJHSDLJFKDAH. *DIES*

I'm kind of panicking now. I have a math exam on Thursday and I don't feel prepared. And I stuffed up my Physics test. Why did I have a random brain fart and began talking about the Doppler Effect. It didn't even fit. GOODBYE 80%+ SCORE. DAMMIT.

out of my league

I feel like I can never stop studying maths. You're probably going to roll your eyes and laugh and tell me that of course, because I'm dedicated to the subject, but that's not the case this time! I actually don't know if I'm studying enough or not D: I remember last year, when I did my second assessment task, I sat back after a study session and claimed that I was ready and I had prepared enough. I just feel like I have prepared nothing for the 10% maths exam, and it's something that counts. I haven't even touched the Polynomial questions either, because I had trouble with them.

I feel like I'm at a loss with everything, ever since I came back to school. ARGH, I HOPE BUSINESS DIES A PAINFUL DEATH NOW, AND THAT PHYSICS WILL BE LESS ABSTRACT. And that English wouldn't be so repetitive. And that the Maths tutorial would be in the afternoon. Okay, I shall be off now. I will now go and immerse myself in the heavy readings about the aether and revise my practicals. Again.

I really like our new topic for Physics. It's a manly topic from what I've heard LOL. Nevertheless, I think learning about it today made me feel like I can actually do something and understand it. And work it out.

Okay bye :)

lately

So... I'm re-writing my schedule right now. I realised my stays at school are either too long or too short. Really. I now have tutorials for 4u maths in the morning. During the most ungodly hours of a school day. I really pray that nothing clashes LOL Seriously. I mean the tutorials.

murderer

I killed 2 bugs today. One on Lamrock's shoulder with my wallet and one on my wall just then. I have yet to kill another fly. I HAVE PASSED THE HALF WAY MARK FOR THE COMPLEX NUMBERS QUESTIONS! Ridiculous, I feel like I've wasted so much time LOL. It's already 7:53PM... I will go off and do a bit of reading for Physics before immersing myself in Preliminary Business Studies. Ugh, business.

Okay bye :)

timetable

So... I got my timetable for the year. It's probably going to be the very last time table we'll ever get made for us. Ever. I feel old. I now have four teachers for four of my subjects, English, Maths, Physics and Business. Tuesday is the lightest day for me. Really, because I'm just attending school for Maths. Oh yeah, and I'm able to go home early on Thursdays, as well as Tuesdays now. I might actually go home and eat and do actual studying. Ugh, I need to modify everything on my existing timetable now. *insert profane passage*

Well, at least we have a fixed room for maths now. HAHA And today during Business, I had this sudden emotional plateau where I just felt hopeless. I really do blame my business results (lol, I really, really don't like Business - it's currently my weakest subject), and the fact that I have neglected it. So I should be blaming myself, but I'll just continue shaming my business paper. Lamrock, Michelle and I had a long, long talk with Miss about everything career-wise, the assessment task and work. I found it comforting, really :) I feel better and motivated now.

So... yeah. I just wanted to blog about my day. And Physics exam is on Monday, so I will slowly prep myself up for that. I feel so tired (physically). I also moved rollcalls and switched houses. I am now in what many deem to be the Gryffindor of my school. I am still a Hufflepuff by heart. Since I've been there for 5 years. Yes, five years. But nevertheless, I will now have cross country and athletics with Steph (we were always in the same age group though HAHA). What's quite funny is the fact that my old rollcall is actually right next to my new one. And my new rollcall (according to assembly lines) is in front of Jura's.

Okay, goodbye! :)

complaints

I have officially finished the first page of the Complex Numbers booklet. Some of the questions didn't provide the answers I expected? I mean, like when it says it's a conjugate, like W = A - i, they used W = A + i. I would sit there for five minutes trying to come to terms with what it should be. So yeah, 27/85 questions! Seriously, I better do well for the exam or I will feel eternally miffed when I do maths. So I have tutor tonight - sir changed the duration again, so it's only going to be 1.5 hours of 3u instead of 3 hours of 3u and 4u.

Is it normal to feel strangely disinclined to go to school? I mean, I go for the people and probably the free periods, but really, I'd rather spend my time at home. Literally at home. That's why I haven't been going out before Steph's birthday HAHA. I don't have the heart to take out my Infinite badge from its small plastic cover yet. Oh yeah, yesterday this guy in my class asked sir a question, and it was pretty funny. I'll tell you in person, because it's going to sound too crude over the internet HFJAKHFLA.

I really, really pray that we don't have English first thing in the morning tomorrow. Annie, if you're reading this, can you please send the comprehension questions for Business please? I didn't get any email :S (the activity ones). And I finished Act 5, but I left out 2 questions. But those 2 questions had 2 parts each, and I did one part in each already, so it would mathematically equate to 1 question.

Oh yeah - Othilia, do you still want to share a locker this year? We have to put the deposit in soon HAHA :) Same place? Is ours number 43? I actually don't remember the number anymore... HAHA.

Okay, I'll be off now. Much preparation is needed for the upcoming exams - I have 3 lined up in the first 2 weeks, and I can't afford to stuff any of them up. I will read over Physics a bit and then print out some Polynomial questions. Actually, I'll do the polynomials ones first. Or the other. I don't know anymore.

OKAY BYE.

no words

My sister was apparently 'hurt' when I told her to leave me in peace so I could study. I literally said "I need you to stay in your room because I need to study" because she kept complaining about not wanting to go to the barbecue with my parents. Then my mum yelled at me and said that I hurt her feelings.

What's funny was the fact that my mum immediately sided with my sister when I tried explaining. Ugh, I really cannot be bothered anymore.

In all honesty I couldn't find anything for my sister. And she told my mum that I didn't buy anything for her because I don't love her. Then my mum yelled at my for not loving my sister.

I don't even want to show them anything I buy anymore.

This was posted in another blog post because I didn't want to tarnish Stephanie's birthday post :D

stephanie

I love you. Happy birthday girly! :D <3 I have known you since 2002, and I admit, we have had some rocky times, but I am so, so proud that we have gotten over those moments. I'm so happy that we're friends, and that we both belong to a group that sticks together no matter what. Here's where I list out what I love about you, but there's too much to list out, so I'll just say: "I love every bit about you" :) You're one of my best friends, and I can honestly say that I hold you and the other girls closest to my heart. You've been alive for 17 years, and don't ever, for one moment, think that you are not needed - don't even imagine us without you.

Happy birthday dear, I love you and I know you will do great things. Great things. *MANY HEARTS AND HUGS*

Today was the best. Honestly, we went out as a group, had the greatest fun, and someone please send me those photos of us. Tanya and I ran up and down the karaoke bar stairs and that totally killed our legs. But it was all worth it :D I hope you love your presents Steph! <3

And I found out Sally had the wrong number the whole time. She's been texting the wrong number the whole time. And I laughed HAHAHAHA

Quotes of the day:

Lamrock: It's name should be Cherry!
Panda: Cherry? That's my friend's/cousin's friend's/cousin's dog's name. And I hate it.

Lamrock: My hair is black. Why is your hair the same colour as your clothes?

FHKJADHFDKASLHFALSKFA. It was one of those "in that moment" kind of things.

I came home with blistered feet. No matter - it was much worse last time. I'm going to quickly cram Preliminary Physics before starting HSC Core Topic 1.

This day was too short.

OH YEAH, AND I BOUGHT AN INFINITE (THE KOREAN BAND) BADGE. Myung Soo, I love you. Especially when you have that half smile/smirk in your music videos. I keep replaying those.

groggy

So... Tutor was at 11AM this morning. I woke up 20 minutes or so before the actual start of tutor. I thought I was late, until I came into the waiting room that was filled with only 3 people HAHA So yeah, we chatted and then right on the dot, at 11, my entire class came. It goes to show how lazy we are.

In all honesty, I didn't sleep well last night. It was hot and cold, and even though I slept until 10:40AM, I was still so, so tired. Throughout tutor, I was trying not to let my stomach grumble because I didn't eat breakfast (for the first time ever - I think) and when I got home, I was too mentally exhausted to go and microwave some food, so I slept from around 1:30 until just half an hour ago. And now I'm eating. What would you call the mix between 'dinner' and 'lunch'? Luncher? Probably. So yeah, I am eating 'luncher' now.

I am so sosososososo excited for tomorrow! :D I MISS MY GIRLIES SO MUCH! And it's someone's special day tomorrow as well! ;D I actually haven't seen them all (as a group) since... forever ago :( I don't know what to wear for tomorrow, considering the weather's a bit here and there lately. So yes, that is all! :D I will be on again... tomorrow. I think. Right after I get home from the fun.

JULIANA, IF YOU SEE THIS, TEXT ME WHEN YOUR SCHEDULE ALLOWS YOU AT LEAST 30 MINUTES ON MSN SO WE CAN LOOK FOR THE POLYNOMIALS QUESTIONS. PLEASE. I BEG YOU. You are so busy, seriously HAHAHA

fudge

fhakjfhakha. So I just talked to Lamrock and Steph, and Lamrock has just informed me that the Physics topic test is first day back. I... am utterly speechless. ARGH, PREP TIME CUT SHORT FUFLKADHFKLAHFA.

several days late

BUT SKIP BEAT 05 IS FINALLY HARDSUBBED. I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR ITTTTTT! *REJOICES*

knowledgeable!

I feel more and more refreshed after tutor. I feel like I'm back on track, and I'm not doing purposeless things. I FEEL PURPOSEFUL. I finished tutor homework for this coming Sunday and I'm beginning get back into study mode.

Yesterday, we had this maths game that was really, really stressful. Okay, maybe not that stressful, but it's pretty shameful considering the fact that we couldn't recognize multiples of three and numbers with the number three in it. After that, I went church with my cousin, mum, sister and aunty and yeah. Went home, did some more reading and then ate, and slept. I woke up this morning and went for Maccas drive-thru and came home to do tutor homework and read more of the guides.

So far, day well spent.

Before I leave, I shall leave readers with HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR! :D May everything good be bestowed upon you, and I hope you all achieve what you set out to do - especially this year.

practicals

For the HSC, are we supposed to know our pracs back to front as well? o_o Because holy crap, if that's the case, there's going to be so much to remember and understand. DOOOOOOMED. Anyway, I'm going to go off and mentally prepare for Maths now. Goodbye! I'll study more after tutor/church.

coddled

Just because I'm picky with my fruits does not mean I don't eat it. The only two fruits I despise would be bananas and jackfruit, but I'm fine with anything. Why am I talking about this? Because last night, before I went to bed, my cousin and mum decided to gang up on me and say that I don't eat enough fruits and I've been too spoilt. Well sorry for not going through the general hardships that you've gone through. Then my mum had the audacity to ask me this morning: are you mad about last night when we teased you? Well, no, of course not. I'm just hurt and humiliated and fucking speechless.

And I bought the UMAT package yesterday. I've started reading the guides, and becoming more and more motivated for it... I think. I really want my laptop back. I want to actually start doing stuff. I'm past half way of the Electricity topic for Physics and it's becoming more and more clear. Friday's going to rain girls! So excited :D I have tutor tonight, and I left out 3 questions. Ridiculous.

And the reason why I asked my um to stand behind me whilst I pay for my UMAT package was because I'm handling a lot of money. Money that I myself don't make. So if anything happens, we know that we haven't done anything wrong and that I was not the one to blame. Because when my sister does something wrong, I'm the one to blame. If my dad does something wrong, he blames me. If my mum does something wrong, she blames me. I'm like some kind of fucking escape goat. So don't, for one second, think that I've been too sheltered or too afraid of the fucking world because really, I don't make the money that my parents make.

And this week, Skip Beat is taking so long to get hardsubbed. I really don't like changing the format of my episodes... so I'll just have to wait for Episode 5 and pray that they don't drop the project.

poseidon... again

SPOILER ALERT - DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE GOING TO WATCH THE DRAMA

That is, unless you're really curious and you want to know what happens. But it's okay, you'll only get a very slight gist what happens.

Words cannot express my dislike for the main girl. When Si Won tells you to stay in the car, you stay in the car. Then, you call the 9th Division for back up and to hurry the hell up with that warrant. You do not sit there and complain to him about how it's not right and that he should wait, because seriously, his sunbae is injured from getting beaten up and you are stalling him.

THEN YOU GO AND EAVESDROP ON HIS CONVERSATION WITH THE OTHER MEMBERS, IN ORDER TO NOT BE 'LEFT OUT'. There's a reason why he didn't tell you (because he loves you, okay? Okay.), and there's a reason why Captain Kwon didn't either. I'm so freakin' pissed (WHITE CHICKS!). Oh my gosh, and she cries almost after each exploitation of drugs/people smuggling. And she cries when they stumble upon a dead body (that probably hasn't even gotten to undergo rigor mortis yet). Every. Single. Time.

I am trying so hard not to cringe every time I see her, and I'm trying to fast forward her parts in order to find out who the hell this elusive Choi Hee Gon is (or those who are Choi Hee Gon - Chang Gil totally confused me). No drama has ever gotten me this angry at the female lead before. Ever. Except for Cinderella's Sister, because the spoilt girl was just too much for me to handle. But she wasn't the main girl, so... I think it doesn't count.

And the Captain of the SSAT. Whose. Side. Are. You. ON?! I thought you were good. Then I realised you were bad. And then you turned out to be good. Then you made me suspect that you were bad. Make up your mind, please.

And the female lead's aunt. The flashy one. She reminds me of my own gossipy aunt. And as well as this, she blurts out so many crass things that disadvantage the main girl's mother. And then Captain Kwon. YOU ARE NOT TO HIT YOUR SUBORDINATES/TEAM MEMBERS. I KNOW THEY MAY ACT IMPULSIVELY, BUT YOU DID TOO. AT THE BEGINNING OF THE FILM. AND YOU HIT YOUR BAD GUY AS WELL, WHILST INTERROGATING. You're a good guy, but your actions may be misinterpreted by some people. People like me.

Okay. That is all. I'm so sorry that I've left you feeling like you shouldn't be watching this (or if you should, go forth and do so!). I will be off now. And tutor was cancelled today... and I have yet to make up 4 hours of 4u on Wednesday... FHAKDJFHAJLFKAH.

Okay that is all. BYE! :D I will see my lovelies in exactly 1 week. YESSSSSS.

ughhhhhh

ARGH. TUTOR. IN LESS THAN 3 HOURS.

I am not mentally prepared for this. And I didn't end up buying anything online yesterday because my mum decided to postpone it for the 5th time this week. I might as well not get my hopes up and just carry on with whatever the hell I normally do. Oh, and I finished reading the Great Gatsby - with was a worthwhile endeavour. Gatsby/Nick will always be the characters that come out at the top for me.

Anyway, I'm going to continue watching Poseidon whilst drying my hair and hopefully feel a teensy, weensy bit motivated to actually go to tutor. LOL I'm so tired.

poseidon

Love for Si Won in all dramas has gotten to a new high. fhakdfhjkadh. I don't want to put any obsessive terms on this blog, but just to be fair: wow. Especially in the police uniform. LAMROCK, AND YUNHO IS IN IT TOO LOL! I was staring at him and asking myself 'where have I seen him before...?' and then I went on drama wiki or whatever it's called and realised that he was from your number 1 band!

So... yeah. I have done nothing yesterday. Literally nothing. I just downloaded, watched and drooled over Poseidon. The girl plays hard-to-get at first, a bit cliche, and slightly bothersome, but she's alright nonetheless. I shall start on writing my conics notes and start actually revising for Physics. Correction: Preliminary Physics. Basics first, then the complex stuff.

Okay, I shall be off now. Today's the day where I purchase, for the first time in half a year, stuff online. That means I have to go to the bank to deposit money with my mum. Lazy times ten :( But in any case, the first thing I'll buy is the package, because the holds the key to my eternal happiness.

That sounded so sad, considering my eternal happiness can only be obtained through academic means.

Okay, bye :D

TUTOR HOMEWORK IS TAKING TOO LONG. I think I'll start a new book for 4u tomorrow...

watching you stand alone

I still feel so restless... Am I really cut out to do what I want to? People say that when you want something really, really bad, you tend to go all out and somehow, get there. I feel that no matter what I'm doing right now, I can't do anything right and I'm running out of time fast. *inserts profane passage filled with curses directed to year 12*

I miss my bestiessssssss so much. So, so much. I honestly don't mind where we're going, as long as it's together and it's fun :D But then being together is fun already. I also miss my cousin. I called him a few nights ago and he said he might come over (yes).

I actually don't have much to say.

Good day to you all :)

Re: I hope I'm doing the right thing

Honestly, Othilia, I hope I am too.

No matter. Blood, sweat and tears :'D

training

So Lamrock just called and we had a short catch up and discussion about the umat. I was just about to go to sleep and she called, so I wouldn't have passed up the opportunity to talk to her :)

So... the umat. I've actually been dreading this event for quite some time now. It's not that I fear it, it's just something that stands in the way between what I want and what I need to do to get there. I feel that declining her invitation (please don't berate yourself, Lamrock - I love you very much, and I would have loved to be with you every step of the way to that exam <3) was one of the hardest decisions I've come to confront in my very short and boring life. Would I leave the opportunity where I would be able to have human guide through the course of the exam? All in all, yes. I asked my mum, and it wasn't the fact that she didn't let me go to it, it's the question she asked that had me caught up and question myself.

She asked me, "what do you want?"

It was a simple question, at first, but I realised the depth of the question and the impact it would have on perhaps my overall career choice. I'm not going to reason with you as to why I chose to do what I did (unless of course, you ask me in person - I don't mind, really HAHA, but I won't be able to give you the answer you'd like/expect), because it would be unnecessary. I feel that... I may have passed up the chance to do what could have given me a potential 'fast-track' into Medicine, but seeing as though I feel it near impossible, I feel like I'm giving into the pressure of the HSC. Not. Good.

I now ask myself - what do I really want? It's not about the money or the prestige. I know for sure. And I've known this, despite my constant career deviations through my life, that there has been one thing I've kept turning back to - medicine. I don't think it guarantees anything such as a position in university or not; I just think it tells me what might suit me and what I might enjoy. Because heck, I don't think being a business woman is my type of thing, despite my choice of subjects. Really, I lack variety.

So... there you have it. My mental turmoil for the past day or two. Yes, I've heard about the tuition when Oth called me a few days ago :) I just... kind of put that away at the back of mind until I had a better time to think. Seriously, I just wish life was just a dream. That way everyone wouldn't have to fight tooth and nail for a 95+ percentile to get into medicine. I would chuck a Naruto-joke here, but you all would have just cracked up at my dry attempt. So yes. 2012 has arrived (excuse my mental belatedness), and I am perfectly unnerved.

I will go to sleep... after I finish reading fanfiction. Why am I getting addicted to this unhealthy habit again? *grim face* GOODBYE! :D And I can't wait to see my girls. I miss them so very much, and I want to confide in them my thoughts as well. GOOD NIGHT!

perfect

SHORTLY AFTER I BLOGGED, I FOUND A HIDDEN LINK WHERE I WAS ABLE TO RESET MY PASSWORD AND FIND MY UNBLOCKED EMAIL. YAY. I can now email my lovelies again. *fist pumps*

curse thee

I cannot fathom the amount of horrible emotions and thoughts I have kept to myself for the past few days. I haven't had a good night's sleep in 6 days, I feel that my source of nightly comfort (that is, my cone shaped light) has been taken away for a younger, more fearless person without my consent. Of course, this came with the excuse that I was the older sibling and it was my duty to give whatever my sister wants/needs without going against the idea.

Pathetic domestic stereotype, really. I've been loading up on Naruto fanfiction when suffering this extremely long bout of insomnia - I have established that my 'one true pairing', otherwise known as OTP, is ItaSaku. Not that you need to know the completely bookish tendencies I have LOL. In any case, I've been quite irritable lately because of my current circumstance - my hotmail is blocked, as you are aware from my previous post, and now, my computer has totally gone into completely blue, flashy chaos. So adios Dell Inspiron. You were loved.

I'm currently using my dad's old Toshiba laptop as a getaway from my laptop's failure. I have so many questions left to finish for tutor and I honestly am not in the appropriate state of mind to finish. I left out 1.5 questions in Level 1 and so, SO MANY MORE in Level 2. And I'm unsure about the SHM questions at the back. Can someone please confirm that we don't have any 4 unit homework. Please? *stares at Juliana* HAHA

In any case, I should be getting back to... reading my fanfiction, then doing some more tutor homework, then reading the Great Gatsby. THE WOES OF A STUDENT, I SHALL SAY ONCE MORE! And Othilia, I shall be awaiting your call!

blocked again

My hotmail is blocked. Again. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING. I CANT EVEN SEND A NORMAL EMAIL TO MY BEST FRIENDS. So yeah... girls, I can't send you emails/receive them right now.

is it really okay

Is it really okay to grab the lamp that I use to read at night, from my room, to give it to my younger sister? HAHA no. I use to lamp to diminish my fears of the dark and through reading, and you take the one thing that I feel protects me at night.

Another 3 hours of sleep for the third day. Hoo-fucking-ray.

I've been so moody lately, I don't even find it amusing anymore. I feel so edgy lately - not in a good way.

I'm off now, goodnight. Going to finish another third of tutor homework.

fhakjdfhakleewe

I AM SO FRUSTRATED WITH VODA'S METHODS OF BILLING. I had to make an account for my dad, then try and download the bill to realise that I cannot download the bill. It simply won't detect. FARGFAFHKSAHFLUSDHUF. SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW. WHY. WHY WHY WHY. WHY DID WE GO WITH THIS SERVICE. I'M SO ANGRY.

No. NO. NOFHAJDKFHAKLFHA.

So I was looking at stainless steel whiteboard. It's not a whiteboard, but it has its functions LOL. And I realised I wrote in very small smudged writing "tutor on 20/01/2012". And I checked my calendar, thinking I have ages left.

It's next week on Friday.

Oh shit, that means I need to get tutor homework done. OH NOOOOOOO.

spread sheets

I give up. I've been at it for 2 hours, trying to type Kepler's Third Law into the function box of Excel and it's been killing me. WHERE AM I GOING WRONG, MY GOSH. I have another 3 spreadsheets to do and I really can't be bothered :( This is the last practical I have for Physics as well... ARGH.

the great gatsby v.01

So... I'm upto Chapter 4. I stumbled onto my favourite Naruto fanfiction writer's tumblr and I found this. Credit goes to the owner - this image was too true not to pass up. Especially from what I've gathered from reading the background stuff of the book HAHAHA. In any case, I found it amusing.

insomniac

I'm scared of the dark.

I seriously am. I miss camp, because those days were the days I can actually sleep in peace without fearing anything, because my friends would be there. I think I'm afraid because of what might suddenly pop up or what might pull my leg. LOL, thank Paranormal Activity. In any case, I don't think I'll be sleeping until 3 in the morning today, or perhaps until I finish some work.

I really need to set myself up for the year ahead, and this insomnia has got to stop. I hate not being able to sleep. I tried sleeping at 10PM because I normally do, and my sleep was so fragmented. Anyway, I'm going to continue reading The Great Gatsby and then I'll do some... work on my Physics practicals or I'll sort out my stuff. The joys of having your own room. Yet, the fears associated with having your own room as well. Why can't it be sunny all the time? :( The word 'sunny' reminds me of camp. And this then leads onto my toenails. Long story short - I got knocked out when my head hit the pillow on the second night of camp and my best friends had nail polish. HAHA <3