churn

I will save the blogging until after the HSC, and even then, I doubt I'll start blogging substantial chunks of life.

I can't churn out anything English-y. At all. IS THIS WHAT DROPPING EXTENSION 1 DOES TO YOU?! FML, IF I HAD KNOWN, I WOULD'VE KEPT IT FHAJKFHDSALKFHASKLHFAKFHSAFKHAS. Words cannot express my frustration that I feel my studying is leading me to nowhere. My two theory subjects, English and Business, will slaughter my ATAR within the split second I walk into that examination room. I feel that I can't produce anything worth reading for Paper 1, and even more so for Paper 2 because of my lack of grounded knowledge.

FARRRRRAFHSDJFKHASDKLFHSADKLFHSA.

I'm seriously panicking. I've been studying for hours, and I only have 4 subjects. FOUR SUBJECTS. PEOPLE DO 6 SUBJECTS AND THEY'RE COPING.

Lord, what have I reduced myself to.

Okay I'm going to hand write some short-answers and hope to the Lord that they answer their respective questions. FML.

med

I... feel my imminent failure.

I have never been so terrified before, in receiving my results.

In all honesty, I think this may be akin to someone who's receiving their pregnancy results, and hoping to every holy being that they are not pregnant for some unknown reason.

The wait for the UMAT results is killing me.

I think they're coming out tomorrow.

I think I might cry. I thought I would've been doing okay, you know? But... I don't know anymore. I want it so badly. It's so much more than doing it for the sake of becoming a doctor.

It's so much more personal than that.

I just... if all goes wrong, I'll tell myself it'll be okay. I'll settle for Medical Science and pray to the Lord for his assistance. And if that doesn't go wrong... well look who's going to sit for the GAMSAT.

Oh fudge.

yes

I have considered what it'd be like if... I stopped existing. As morbid as that sounded, yes. I have considered and thoroughly thought about it.

I don't think anyone really reads my blog posts anymore, but I suppose it's a good thing now?

I don't know anymore.

I.

Don't.

Know.

GARGHHHH BS

BUSINESS STUDIES FAR OUTFAHFJKSDHFLAKFHAK!

I'm doing okay.

Or so I thought, relative to my school's cohort. I suddenly had a shock of realisation that probably 99.9999999999% of the state will be using QANTAS as a case study, and that'll be extremely detrimental to my marks in section IV because I won't be able to compete with probably half the grade.

Oh shit.

And now I'm researching some case studies as back up. I'll probably have 3-5. I want to cry because my teacher said only one was okay :(... And she seems like she skims through HSC papers LOL.

So yeah... fudge cakes. I gotta find case studies *screams*.

exhausted

I don't know about you guys, but I've been physically and mentally exhausted lately. I tend to sleep more often, I tend to feel extremely lazy to do anything and I think I'm beginning to have doubts right now LOL. About life after the HSC and whether I could get the ATAR I want.

I looked back at my older posts and I chortle. And then mentally berate myself and cry because I was so naive back then to think that a 99 was possible LOL. I stuffed up here and there, and I'm trying to push myself to at least get a 95.

MAJOR SIGH.

And I'm changing the format of my notes. Again. Different font, larger space between the text, and bigger diagrams.

Because everyone loves pictures.

Okay that is all now. I can't really update you on my life as of now, because I realise my 'life' has actually deteriorated so dramatically that I feel like I have one, but really I don't.

I'm sleepy, but I'll just push forth so I can write some more notes and sleep for a bit. And then wake up to write that business essay and then after that, go to sleep again, go to church and then to tutor. And hopefully start on Physics notes by tonight... The last section, that is.

WOE IS ME!