brownies

Verena, I'm sorry I left you in the library at free period :(

The challenge exercise is killing me, bit by bit. CHUNK BY CHUNK, ACTUALLY. And reading Othilia's post makes me feel extremely wary when I'm now going to be confronted by the actual HSC (with the inclusion of the preparation to this actual exam period). For the past two years, it's been: "your school certificate results is the most important, it shows you how well you'll do in actual HSC" or "the preliminary year - nothing counts" that kind of crap. Those statements might not actually be accurate, but those are the ones that caught me the most. Now that the start to the HSC year has begun, I can't help but feel that Optometry/Medicine is, once more, too far for me to grasp.

Honestly, though I've had many divergences to various occupations (such as being a psychologist, pharmacist or teacher), I think from the very beginning I've always stuck to medicine deep, deep down. Or at least the concept of 4u maths (so sad). I remember sitting in my GP's office and telling him I wanted to become a doctor. He actually laughed at that idea and said one thing: "4u maths is hard. You need that to become a doctor." LOL I actually had the audacity to say that I'll do it. But that was 10 years ago. I suppose I have achieved the 4u aspect of that, but now I realise that it's only the beginning.

I really, really want to do Optometry/Medicine. I have never wanted anything so badly. I don't see myself doing Business in university, nor do I see myself doing any sort of industrial science (nanotechnology was a long forgotten and short-lived ambition). I don't think I can even perceive my future self to be donned in a white coat and carrying a writing pad as a psychologist (maybe they don't actually do that...).

I have re-evaluated why I wanted this so badly, and I came to two distinct reasons: the idea of injecting (sounds bad LOL) people with life once again and also because of the interesting nature of the actual occupation. Yes, I did not omit my own selfish reasons. I honestly don't carry a particular passion for sciency-science (though I know Steph does, and I know she's good at it), but I do enjoy it. I am willing to commit myself to it. I think, I've come to this conclusion because I've probably dipped a foot in most faculties in my school, choosing a variety of subjects and all. Looking back, I actually can't find a reason why I chose both Physics and Chemistry. Was it a fad? I hope not. I honestly do love Physics (yes, I love it), and I did like Chemistry. NOTE THE PAST TENSE. But I think after that pharmaceutical dream, I kind of lost it. I put so much effort into Chemistry, it became tedious. I did the homework, but I didn't study. I think it's also because of the teacher I had.

I'm not saying she's bad, or she can't channel her knowledge to us students, but it's just... I think I needed a fresh start to year 11. I've been taught by her over a great span of years, and I suppose her teaching methods have gotten mundane. I do miss her though. I also miss my year 11 maths teacher. Such a cute little woman. Reminds me of little Gekko. They both get angry over the most trivial things, it's laughable. She is, perhaps, the best maths teacher I've had at this school. Ever.

So yeah. Though my checklist of 4 subjects and the idea of 10 units sounds like a piece of cake, I don't think it is. I'm beginning to think that though I'm taking this risk, I can't score an ATAR above 95. I know, I aim too high and it's almost too unrealistic. And maybe it is. But I suppose I'm willing to put the time and effort into this, because I'm not willing to repeat this year.

I SHALL SHOOT FOR THE MOON, AND PROBABLY LAND AMONG THE STARS. Of course, the stars that are the closest to the moon. And the UMAT. I really need to purchase practice materials. Anybody have any idea where to get them? I'm not too sure about some of the ones I've been seeing.