New Blog

I have a new blog guys.

http://blotted-ink.blogspot.com

Like Cynthia has said: NO STRAGGLERS PLEASE! (Or something along the lines of that)

Enjoy? HAHAHAHA

piano

LOL.

I have four scratches on my nose from these ridiculous hang-nails.

That one silent cry as you play piano because you're too overwhelmed with anger and frustration and sadness that you end up playing a ridiculously morose song and it doesn't help your mood.

Then that throw of your semi-new phone against your bed knowing full well that it won't crack.

can you reach me from across the globe?

I feel that since the HSC/ATARs have been released, I should be starting on a brand new slate. Like, delete my previous posts. But you know, that's like deleting many of the good memories! In any case, I'll just keep writing as if life went on. Because you know, life goes on.

Anyway, I'll do a personal post about my life as it is. There will be many details revealed here, and though they will be exposed to the general public, they will be quite obscure. As ridiculously contradicting as that sounded.

Okay well, I'm just a bit over 17 and a half years old, and have just recently finished the 2012 HSC. I have been told that I am tolerant, motivated and determined, and I suppose they're all feats. My heart is filled with people I love, and they include my boyfriend (I swear that word seemed really childish when I typed it LOL - but by no means does that mean he's childish), my best friends and my family, in no particular order.

I tend to let things slide pretty easily, and let things go relatively fast. It takes a lot out of me, though, and the emotional toll is horrendous. I actually feel that in some cases, there might be deja vu, despite all reassurance. I am actually a very sad person inside, but I don't think I let that get in the way of how I respond to people. It all comes crashing down that moment I turn off my laptop and my air conditioning, where there is a quiet buzz. Then I start thinking of what could have been, how I could have responded and why I involuntarily torture myself with ridiculous feelings and thoughts.

I'm not a confident person either. I have had comments based on my insecurities reiterated over and over again, but I suppose they've become amusing. I'm not one to say how I truly feel about a situation - I tend to avoid confrontation at all, unless I think that it's really important - especially to me. I don't enjoy hurting people, I'd like to take the fall. I'm afraid of losing people to others, I'm afraid of losing people because of how I am, and I'm afraid of losing people. In general. I'm scared that once they over turn every pebble of my entirety, they'll think I'm bland and boring and just... stop bothering with me.

I mean, it's happened 3 times. LOL. I don't enjoy being in the crossfire of an argument, nor being the middle-person. It kinda gives me the brunt force of both sides and the end result is pretty devastating.

Anyway, on to much happier things. I love the colour blue. All shades of blue. But I love dark/navy blue the most. I also love watching comedies too. And I love Naruto. Like, I live within the fandom - I LIVE AND BREATHE AS A NARUTARD. In saying that - I am behind on so many chapters of this manga, it isn't even funny HAHA My OTP is ItaSaku. Don't ask - I know it ain't gon' happen. But even so, SasuSaku would be nice. It was my first favourite pairing. It still is, but ItaSaku has its charms.

I'm not a girly-girl. I found frills horrendous (I mean those ridiculous frills) and pink a flimsy colour. Unless it's strawberry ice-cream pink, because I like strawberry ice-cream. I also hated Chemistry. The subject itself was icky, but the people I had in my class, especially my P.I.C., were wonderful. Leopard-prints will always be my soft-spot because it's an inside joke HAHA <3 

Okay, I'm tired now. I'll go off and talk to my boyfriend and read my Whatsapp conversations in silence HAHA Goodnight!

offended

I'm offended that you still think I dress sloppily.

Wow.

You know, if I had concentrated on everything else but studying, we wouldn't even have met.

Thanks for having so much faith in how I manage my life. It really does move me so.

So much so that you made me cry.

Again.

the end

Within approximately half an hour, the last four digits of our academic lives thus far will be released. Our HSC marks were released yesterday, and most of us decided upon silence and minimal mention of whatever marks we attained.

I can't say I'm entirely thrilled about my marks, because there were a lot of 'could-have-been's. Especially 4u. I expected a few more marks, but I can definitely say that I underperformed in the actual exam. What saved my rear was the internal (which should have been a bit higher, I think, but I'm alright with that). Then we have English. Oh English, how you plague me so. I got the exact same mark for English in the School Certificate. I'm alright with that too.

But Physics.

I swear, I expected at least close to a band six, but I heard that first in our CVHS cohort didn't receive a band six either. I don't think anyone in our grade received a band six for Physics :(... It was my lowest mark, and I knew I was walking out of the exam with a mark that would drag down my average LMFAO. Oh well, I'm resigned to that mark anyway.

Overall, I'm satisfied. I expected a tiny bit more, a few marks added on to what I have, but I'm happy with it.

I can get into my detour course and I am over the moon with that thought.

MY ATAR WAS RELEASED. I am happy, but the ATAR calculators let me down by .25 HAHA I'm happy nonetheless!

Good luck to those who are about to receive their ATARs!!!!!

haha.

Haha.











That hurt.

do i even matter

Well, do I?

Sometimes I wonder if I ever leave marks in peoples'  hearts like they do in mine.

Because some stomp on my heart and it hurts.

Sometimes, I'm tired.

HAHAHA

Donovan Luong says (11:46 PM)
ABHABHHBS
idk
why
i just love you so much
Donovan Luong says (11:47 PM)
so i'm just
giong to troll
anything you say
BAHABHBAHHABS

Thanks HAHA

vengeful

Lol.

I've asked you before, but you kept declining and now an opportunity arises and then all of a sudden it's your idea.

I'm going to be stoic about this and once again, my tolerance levels will soar.

I have no foreseeable limit for tolerance, after all, right?

Declination at its finest, I have to admit.

subway

I didn't tell you about my day.

I had fun with Dono, and we ate Subway together. Watched a few movies and talked about heaps of things HAHA I don't know how to explain today, because it was so enjoyable but so... chill. Really HAHA

Day with the boyfriend was well spent. As always. (L)

titles and whatnot

I have to second your title, Cynthia! And Tom Hardy is (Y) HAHA I especially liked him in Inception.

I have just finished reading the Hunger Games trilogy. Good. Lord.

I can't.

Why am I too emotionally attached to characters :(

Okay I shall try and find a new book to immerse myself in. I find it a cycle, that after something is read, there is this empty feeling weighing inside your chest that wow, what appears to be a character's experience almost becomes your own. Some novels start slow, but you get hooked onto them anyway. Then when you're too fed up, you can't put it down because it wouldn't feel wholesome. It never will. So you plough through. Then after that, you realise that you've grown too emotionally attached and are at the mercy of the author's literary hand. LOL Seriously.

Books are so torturous to the eyes and mind seriously LOL

I shall go and actually do some work.

Major sigh right here :( The income stream is flowing well, but it kills me to put effort into it. And it also kills me when I spend my own pocket money. Sometimes my own laziness outweighs the importance of the task at hand LOL!

Okay I'll hopefully comeback with something more substantial... Soon.

batb

Okay. The only reason I came back is because of Beauty and the Beast.

OMG VINCENT KELLER WHY DID YOU HAVE TO SEE EVAN KISS CATHERINE URGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Like, I felt his heart break.

Is this what happens when you watch a series and get too into the plot and then end up shattering your heart too!?

fhjakfhsadklfhakfaka

Why.

blog revamp

I am not going to blog until I move my butt and make a new layout. SOOOOO ANNOYED WITH MYSELF, HOW I'M SUCH A PERFECTIONIST AND NEVER DO ANYTHING UNTIL I GET SOMETHING ABSOLUTELY RIGHT :(

I'm watching the Beauty and the Beast, the t.v. show. My gosh Vincent and Catherine should just freaking kiss. There are already so many moments the director has given them and it's only the second episode... (that I've watched).

I'm up to date with Suits, Once Upon a Time and Grimm. GRIMM IS SO GOOD MY GOSH LOL

What is life, as of now?

addicted

To the internet?

Really, that's harsh.

I've been downloading and leaving my laptop on for that while I clean my room and take out my books again to better prepare for Friday, and this is what I get. Wow. LOL.

I can't even fathom the miscommunication that just happened there, and for you to dive right into what I'm going to say and that I'm feeling angry, that just made me LOL inside. Just a bit.

I think I've grown too apathetic to correct people when they misunderstand me. Most of the time they mistaken me for acting like a smart-arse.

I called ze boyfriend this morning, and he was too tired so he went back to bed.

I should get a move on in vacuuming my room. I still haven't done that. I also need to clean the sunroom, too... I still haven't done that.

And Steph, about you being a sloth (which you haven't been, as you've said and I believe), I think I'm acting like one HAHA... :(

drifting

I hope we don't, next year.

I'll always make time for you... But I hope that you'll make time for me too.

I've put in too much to lose someone like you.

and I still see it all in my head

I HAVE JUST FINISHED VACUUMING AND WIPING THE DUST OFF THE DASHBOARD OF MY WHITE CAR LOL.

I think the extreme spare time I have is driving me insane, because I'm beginning to see things that need to be cleaned, when I just cleaned them the day before. I actually haven't finished Catching Fire... Major sigh right here HAHA I want to move onto other books as well... But I can't leave a novel unfinished! :( It feels... unwholesome HAHA

I think I might pop by Officeworks some time this week to buy a few display folders to take to work and whatnot, and actually buy a proper pair of trainers to run. I think my sleeping patterns are becoming waaaay too distorted, and I hope to sleep earlier and look at least a bit healthier than I normally do. I have a movie date with ze boyfriend tonight, I think it's either The Longest Yard or Casino Royale. One of the two. By movie date I mean over msn. Yes, we are still limited to msn LOL

I pretty much see him weekly, so that's good. I miss my girls though :( It's been a long while since we've gone to Strathfield, even more so to see each other D: (L)

I've been maintaining my daily intake of water, so that's pretty good too. THERE'S SO MUCH TIME FOR ACTIVITIES. SERIOUSLY. LIKE I WAITED 13 YEARS FOR THIS (not really, only a few months because reality of an extended holiday doesn't hit you until mid-year 12) AND IT IS WORTH IT.

I'm going to clean my room, again, and take out what I need and what I don't.

Okay I really don't know what else to write HAHA So I'll be off now, ciao!

internet

Donovan Luong says (7:07 PM)
even downlading is fun
with you
AWBHAWBHAWHBAHS

Annie Huynh says (7:07 PM)
HAHAHA
NGAWWWW
(L)

Because competing on how fast your download is, is way too fun LMFAO

sentimentality at its finest

Soooooo. My first substantial blogpost ever since the conclusion of the HSC. I don't know what to say really.

In retrospect, I think I should've tried harder. A lot harder. But I suppose laziness and complacency got the better of me and I just cruised along throughout the year. The exams were a total nightmare - I don't want to live through those 3 weeks ever again. Thinking about going through it once more makes me shiver out of pure fright. I've learned a lot though, to which I wouldn't want to specify within this 1AM post about year 12.

English was one of the biggest (if not the biggest) milestones I have ever clawed my way to. It was dreadful, waking up every morning knowing that you could've studied all year, but chose to cram everything within the last few weeks. Worst decision, by far. Maths was difficult, but fairly doable. Business was abstract. I couldn't tell whether or not I completely failed or just passed. The latter would be nice. And Physics... I can't even comprehend the immensity of this subject when it came to the exam. I am so sure that I did really badly. I don't think my answers are right, my projectile motion question was ridiculous and I just... flunked it.

In any case, that being said and left behind, I did have good memories of the year. Which I don't want to list because of their abundance and how close they've been kept to my heart. Dono went to bed a few minutes ago. He has his interview tomorrow, so I hope he does super well. We're probably going out to eat on Thursday as a celebratory anniversary event or probably just to celebrate the fact that the interview is over and whatever will be, will be. Maybe.

Well, I've been fine. Thanks for asking. I do feel like everything's lifted off my shoulders, but I do have a stable job. Or an income stream. It's not much, but it's sufficient for me because I don't spend too much. I know I wouldn't be able to maintain many jobs at once, because of my desire for a transfer in degrees in the future, but you know, I'll still be looking. I actually don't have to fill up my time with work. I kind of busy myself with the chores at home, do some grocery shopping here and there. It's not much, but it gets me by. I don't know, I suppose being away from everything makes me feel a bit sad and cynical about everything that happens to me.

Sometimes I feel so... empty. And picky over everything. Then I realise that it's not them, it's me. By dwelling on something, all I've done is inflict further pain on myself and those around me. Maybe I'm too sensitive when it comes to certain phrases or words, but I suppose I do mask it well. Until I tell them how I feel, then everything goes haywire. Sometimes I wish for more, but I know it wouldn't happen unless something is mentioned... So yeah.

Anyway, it's 1:20AM. I can officially wish my mummy a happy birthday, but she's in bed sleeping everything off. I'll make her breakfast in bed. I signed out yesterday, and I do feel relatively free now. I no longer have to go back, and I feel somewhat relieved. I suppose it was the frustration of not being able to find my teachers, that killed my mood.

I planned to go DFO today, but you know, I didn't want to use too much petrol to just go there and browse. So... I chose to go grocery shopping with mum and yeah, it was quite eventful. My cousin and his boyfriend came over, we all had dinner, talked to the boyfriend (my boyfriend LOL), and now I'm blogging. I hope he's sleeping well.

I don't think he reads my blog any more LOL :-(

So... yeah. I really don't know what to say. I've been out with my girls once for post-hsc. Yogohouse was the best, and I would go there again. Over and over again. My girls and I had korean cuisine that day too, so it was extra spicy on my end of the table. It was so red, too.

And that is all. I'll blog more when the time comes... Really, unless my readers want to read about how I clean the bathroom, I'll dedicate a blog post on that.

Not.

Ciao my lovelies!

hazy

What if I went, and lost myself

Would you know how to find me?

If I forgot who I am,
Would you please remind me?

'Cause without you things go hazy

- Hazy by Rosi Golan ft. William Fitzsimmons

i'm tired

I really, really want to give up on life, sometimes.